Careers - why so confusing?

In the last 2 weeks, I've bounced back and forth about 10 times concerning what I want to do when I grow up. It's a difficult decision. Golden handcuffs? Or sail on the wind with whatever comes up? Hard choice. Am I making decisions based on what I want? Or what other people want of me?

Luckily, one of my best friends is back in town and I managed to have a good chat with him this morning concerning all of this. If anyone knows me, understands my thinking, and also the environment I am currently in, he does. That's a huge support mechanism. I wish I had had this discussion about a week ago! I need further discussions to determine how I must proceed from here on in. It's all about getting back to my roots. If all goes well, after the science fair, this will happen.

Career.
Fight.
Science Fair.

Three very different parts of life, all of which are coming to a head right now.

It's funny though, while discussing some of this in the morning, I found that I could talk confidently about my choices and reasoning. I realized that, irregardless of this slight detour and chaos happening right now, I've gained alot of confidence in the last year or so. Certain situations still intimidate me, and I have a few discussions that have to happen in the next little while that aren't going to be fun, but confidence is building. Yeah!!

Tomorrow is a non-training day. I need a day off! Then back at it on Saturday, along with a body composition test. I'm getting pretty eager to get into the ring for this fight. Yesterday, I felt REALLY good - relaxed, cool, strong. If I can keep that same feeling for the fight, that would be great.

Learning in the ring

Apparently I have issues with going light in the ring while sparring. And I'm not sure exactly what the cause is. I do know one thing - I tend to speed up and hit harder when my Kru is watching me. If he's not there, I go lighter, feel like I can relax.

What is that caused by? Is it ego getting in the way? The need to prove myself to him? Is it nervousness and me getting all spastic when an authority figure is watching and judging? Is it the fear of looking like a moron in front of a teacher? Maybe it's a mix of all of these factors in varying degrees. But what I do know is that I have to solve this problem so I don't keep hearing "lighten up" again and again. I understand the concept. But I seem to have problems putting it into action in certain situations.