No motivation for bitching lately. But training is going great!!!

Been a long time since I've written on here eh? I've wanted to, but for some reason have gone back to holding thoughts inside, not really sharing them. Why? Dunno. I guess because I'm not sure I want them read!!

It's been a long week, a tiring one, both work-wise and with training. Training and the nutrition is going great! Dropping 1.5-2 lbs per week, steadily. Yeah! I can't wait to be down to fighting weight, be able to wear a bikini in Thailand, etc. It's a slow process, but if it was fast, I'm sure I'd gain the weight back quickly. It's also hard work! My long runs have been up at 12 or 13 km, and I'm training at the gym every day except Sundays. I think I want to try a half-marathon in October. Also started hill running in the Gatineau Park, which is a hell of alot better than the hill at Strathcona Park where I was doing repeats! Yesterday, Kru suggested to me that I can go to the Oregon Muay Thai camp next summer (July). Yeah!! It's run by Ajarn Chai and other amazing instructors. That made me really, really excited! Today, he suggested I look at doing my test for Phase III! Woo hoo!!! I guess I'm doing ok! That made me feel really good, happy to know that I"m progressing to his standards. Yeah!!!

In the free moments, I've been Googling Thailand, trying to figure out travel schedules, where to visit in Bangkok before heading to Phuket, hotels, etc. I'm SOOOOOOOOO looking forward to leaving. I'm not sure my CWSF committee is happy, but I think it'll be ok. Kru's been handing me advice about where to shop, to stay, the Sky Train, etc. It's very helpful to have someone around who has been there many times.

I'm also trying to pack and get ready to move. I've thrown out so much shit!!! it's amazing how much crap can accumulate after 10 years. Been couch shopping too. I need a couch and a dining room set. Couch first though! I'm attempting to stay out of Ikea and be a real adult. :) I founda great dark red couch and chair at The Brick this afternoon that I'm thinking of getting. I'm going to wait to buy anything until I can get into the apartment, measure the living room space and figure out what will work best. The slanting roof in the living room is awesome, but it causes some space restrictions.

Fuck. I wound up in a bit of a pondering life discussion with a friend earlier this week. Usually, I'm all for bitching and complaining and soul-searching back and forth, but this time I just wasn't into it. I didn't feel like I'm needing to do that. It's not that I feel like is perfect by any means. It's more that I don't feel like exposing that side of my emotions right now. Like it's counter productive. I've not been feeling motivated to do much lately, except train, so maybe the idea of bitching about that isn't motivating either!!! Vicious circle? The other thing is that this friend of mine, who I love like a sister, puts up huge walls which are unsurmountable anyway and the last time I tried to break through, I got pummeled back and shut down. The sting of that experience has not gone away so I guess I'm being overly cautious to opening up emotional discussions. She doesn't realize how tightly wound and intimidating she can be at times. But it's such a front. Self-awareness is always the first step to healing yourself, realizing that the patterns in your life are predictable from your dysfunctional past.