Tensions rise at the Thai/Khmer border

Crossing the border between Thailand and Cambodia might not be as simple as it was last year. Due to a territory dispute between the two countries near a famous temple, Preah Vihear, military troops are gathering in frightening numbers - the Phnom Penh Post states that 1700 Khmer troops are stationed at the temple, and they come armed with tanks and other heavy artillery. It's a situation that has a few of us wondering how volatile the situation could become in the next weeks. We do know that the staff at the Tabitha Foundation in Phnom Penh have been instructed to go home and stay away from the office until Wednesday. This was mainly because the national elections took place today and it was unsure whether there would be violence associated with that.

But at the borders, who knows? All it would take would be for one Thai or Khmer soldier to fire their gun or launch a rocket, one 'accident' for the entire situation to turn to war. Both sides of the border have long histories of violence and it's very possible that the friendly border that currently exists will be negated in a flash.

What happens with the build? Dunno. Personally, I plan to cross into Cambodia via Laos anyway, and have no intentions on cancelling my trip.

It's been a very lazy weekend. Tomorrow, bike to work and then Muay Thai and CSW in the evening. I tossed around the idea of going to Scott's cottage, but (1) I can't afford it, (2) I don't want to travel, and (3) I really can't handle the food/alcohol tempations!! Not that I am doing much better here. Yesterday, PMS eating took full hold of me and I indulged in a couple of beers as well as some junk (oooh, Hagendaaz, something I haven't had in about a year!!). Sigh. Oh well. I really shouldn't feel so guilty - no one forced the food into my mouth and made me swallow. But now, being very conscience about what I eat, falling off the wagon makes me feel horrible!! Between over-indulging and sleeping in all weekend, I feel really icky. Oh well. Tomorrow marks the start of a fresh week.

Rockin4Tabitha 2008 coming soon !

It's been a 3 beer day. Why? Because I'm PMS'ing, my intercostal muscles are killing me, and it's been a bleak, dreary day.

I was at the gym this morning and did a bit of knife work with Kruu. There are days I just don't know what he wants me to do - hold on to the knife? let it go? strong or weak grip? stab back? I don't know!!! I get so confused. If that had been a live blade, I would be dead 100 times over. If I was ever confronted with a live knife, would I react in a way that would allow me to survive? I don't know. I get so frustrated though. With Muay Thai, I pick up techniques easily and fast. With Kali or any of the self-defense techniques, I'm really slow.

The designer who is doing our Rockin4Tabitha 2008 poster was shooting photos this morning as well. That got me thinking about all the money we have to raise for this year's build. So here it is - a call out to anyone reading this blog - help us out!!


We want to raise enough money to build 20 houses in February 2009 (that's $20,000, $1000 / house). If you're reading, simply send me a message and I'll let you know how you can help, where to send the cheque, etc. You'll receive a tax receipt for donations over $25. But hey, get your work place or your gym involved!! Put out a donation box and let everyone deposit their change! It all adds up. Every penny that we raise goes directly to the houses that we are building. There is no overhead with the Tabitha Foundation.

Must... get...back... to... training....

The weekend is here and that means it's time to get back on the horse and into training/fight-prep mode. I've been a total slacker for the last week or so, not watching what I eat too closely, and certainly not being on top of my cardio. So, the fun ends tomorrow and it's back on track fully. Although it was sort of nice to be a 'normal' person this past week and relax a bit!! However, it takes alot of work and dedication to train as a fighter and no matter how restricted that might be, I have to get back on track so all the past hard work doesn't go down the tubes.

Although doing pad work is proving to be dangerous as my foot is killing me. I woke up this morning and it was super stiff and sore. Not good. I should probably go see a doctor, but really, what are they going to say except "stay off of it"?! I did manage to get ahold of my ART guy, and he's got me on the schedule to come in as soon as he gets a cancellation so he can look at my intercostal muscles. The right side is worse than the left but both sides do need some work.

So, back on track tomorrow. Kali and some bag work in the morning, then run in the afternoon since it doesn't seem that going for a bike ride is going to happen given that thunderstorms are in the forecast.

Taking stock

1. Broken right foot
2. Broken toe on right foot
3. Strained (?) intercostal muscles on right side.

In general, ouch, and not a lot of fun.

I really should go have my foot checked out, but really, what are they going to do? Tell me to stay off it? Duh. It doesn't hurt when I run, and, strangely enough, doesn't hurt when I kick the bags. But when I kick pads? Oh man!! That's when the stabbing, sharp pain kicks in and it feels like someone is shoving a knife blade into my foot. And if I kick multiple times? That's when the stabbing pain in my ribs kicks in! All in all, not good. Thank god I'm not fighting this weekend as I really need to heal both these ow-ies. Stupid me, I've been in to train every day this week, so I really haven't done anything to help anything heal. The ribs are the worst. They were bothering me prior to the fight, but I think taking knees during two fights was enough to do some more serious damage. It's like having a horrible stitch in your side constantly, even while at rest. Walking even tends to bring on pain. I really should go see my doctor.

Maybe it's time for a day off today? Or just a cardio run tonight.

The problem is that if I'm not training, I don't know what to do. I'm restless and anxious and feel lost. If I'm not at the gym, I'm lost. But right now, if I'm at the gym, I'm in pain. It's a lose-lose situation!! Maybe I need to get a life...

I stayed after Phase II and did CSW last night. It felt good to roll again. It's a different work out than Muay Thai - more continuous and draining. I thought I would have problems remember some of the sweeps and moves, but I actually did okay and only got submitted by one of our senior guys. I figure that since my next fight won't be until the fall, I can go back to rolling and doing Gi work, provided I don't get injured. My shoulder still isn't back to full strength from December and I don't want to tweek it again.

I downloaded a training program for a half-marathon. I'm going to sign up for the Fall Colours Half Marathon in October. That gives me 8 weeks to train for it. The longest distance I've done is 15 km, so 21 km shouldn't be all that bad. I had thought about doing some duathlons this summer as well, but it's a bit too late to start brick training. Besides, I've been doing LSD runs all along for fight prep - doing LSDs for the half-marathon isn't any different.

Bored, bored, bored, bored. It's a rainy, bleak day out there. I've been looking at tourism sites for the Issan province in Thailand. I think I will spend the first week of my vacation up north, near Nong Khai, then cross over to Laos and fly from Vientiane to Phnom Penh for our house building. After the build, I'm going to go lie on a beach for a week or so. Woo hoo!! Maybe train, but we'll see.

It looks like the fights that were schedule this weekend in Toronto have been postponed. This is actually good news! That means I have a chance at being on this card anyway. And it gives me time to heal all the owies and improve what I need to improve. Yeah! I was actually really looking forward to fighting in Toronto - it would give me the opportunity to show some friends and relatives exactly what it is that I do on a daily basis. Although I think I get that opportunity at the end of August - Kruu asked me yesterday if I would be available on Aug 22nd to help out with a Muay Thai demo at the SuperEX.

In Sudbury and repressing regression

It’s been a week since I was in Iowa for the TBA Muay Thai Open. In that time, I’ve managed to gain 10 lbs (how??? How is this possible?? Okay, so my body was completely depleted in both water and glycogen, which most likely accounts for 5 of those pounds, so the rest must be in the form of pasta and junk and cheese and all the foods that I have not eaten in the last 8 weeks), and spend the first enjoyable weekend in Sudbury that I have had in years. Amazing – will wonders never cease!

Mid week, I was still scheduled to fight in Toronto on July 26^th. Friday, I got on the scale – 160 lbs. No freakin’ way!! So I sat and thought about this – 10 lbs in a week. Was that possible to do? Well, technically yes, if I cut. Did I want to do it? No. Losing the last weight was hard on me, physically, emotionally and mentally. I haven’t had a period in 2 months. Mentally, I couldn’t focus or concentrate on anything at work or at the gym. Physically, I was tired and running on fumes all the time. I couldn’t stand that. I don’t want to live that way. I want to be 150 lbs naturally, on a full tank of gas, fully fuelled and strong as hell. Not weak, mentally and physically. I walked into that tournament at the breaking point and I don’t want to be there again. I know it contributed to my performance in the ring. It certainly contributed to my mental state, which wasn’t where it should have been. I was SCARED after the first round of the first fight. I admit it openly. Well, maybe not so openly as I haven’t told that outright to too many people. But I was. I looked fear in the face and the flight part of “fight or flight” took over for a split second. I was scared. Do fighters get scared. Kruu said yes, that almost everyone who steps into the ring gets scared. I wasn’t for my first fight last October. I was for this one. Maybe because I knew that I wasn’t 100% ready for this one.

Anyway, with that in mind, and knowing I have alot to work on, I messaged Kruu and said no to the fight. Which I felt horrible about because he had already called Siam #1 and arranged everything. But there is no point in me cutting 10 lbs, or even 5 because I think the other girl was going to be fighting at 155 lbs, and feeling like CRAP and losing. I have a 1-2-0 record and want to improve on that, not be beaten, feel horrible and destroy any interest I have in stepping into the ring in the future. I didn’t explain all this to Kruu, although I’m hoping he might actually understand. Maybe. I want to work on my clinch. I want to work on defense until it because second nature. I want to be at the point where stepping into the ring is the same as sparring with my gym-mates, not something that is foreign and scary. It’s always going to be a test of stamina, heart, endurance, confidence, etc. But it shouldn’t defeat me as a person. Last weekend, I felt a bit defeated. Kruu says that I shouldn’t be disappointed, but I am. I’m also mature enough to realize that it’s a learning experience, and more so of a steep incline than a learning curve, so I can take the experience and learn from my mistakes and move onwards and upwards. No problem!! Must not block punches with face.... Must not block punches with face...

So I’m in Sudbury for the Gem and Mineral show this weekend. I drove up Friday, still a bit worried that Kruu was going to be furious with me for bailing on this fight (he isn’t, I found out today), and a bit nervous about coming here in the first place, as usual. I drove down and regressed to emotional eating the entire way – crap of course, with coffee thrown in for good measure. I realize the error of my ways, and I should be strong enough to stop it, but of course I didn’t.

So far so good down here. I went to the arena to set up the display around 4pm, and Andy was there already. We decided to go out for a beer at Grumblers, so he picked me up at my mom’s place and off we went. It was so good seeing him. He’s so comforting, such a good friend that just seeing him makes me happy and content. We were at Grumblers alone for only a short while when Melanie came over (we had agreed to meet there as well). Andy and Mel last met at my undergrad graduation bbq at my parents’ house!! 1997, that’s ages ago! And I really can’t remember when the last time I saw her was – but it was like we hadn’t been apart!! Totally incredible. Mel was such a good friend throughout university and highschool so it was great to get together with her again! We wound up going out after Andy left - to a cafe and then ultimately to the Townehouse to see Rudeboy, a ska band from, of all places, Ottawa. We danced until around 1:30am when I decided that it was definitely time to head back to my mom's place as I was crashing.

It's been a weekend of renewing old acquaintances. Mel and Joanne Commisso last night, Blair and Darryl (LU seds) this afternoon, Charlotte on the phone this evening, and tomorrow I'll see Heather, Andy and Charlotte. It's actually been really good for me. I've been needing to get out and socializing, and being around my old music crowd, and Andy, has been soothing on my somewhat torn and exhausted soul and mind. It's been therapeutic. Even tonight, I went out for supper with my mom, Memere and Tante Sue and Jen. And it was good - enjoyable! I could actually socialize, not feel like a total outcast or feel defensive. That's a first. Trips to Sudsbury have been getting more and more enjoyable in the last year or so.

I have agreed to play in a 12-piece trombone "choir" that Charlotte has put together. We are performing a piece by Murray Schafer for 12 trombones in the wilderness: "Music for Wilderness Lake". It's fucked up. That's the only way to put it! Totally 20th century, strange, odd, no time whatsoever, both alto and bass clefs, complete with wolf calls, flutter tongues, singing, and random mutes while twirling in a circle on the shore of a lake at dawn and dusk.

“Music for Wilderness Lake returns to a more remote era, to an era when music took its bearings from the natural environment, a time when musicians played to the water and to the trees and then listened for them to play back to them.” - R. Murray Schafer

We're going to do this on Nepewan in October. And the score? It resembles more closely a fourier transform or some sort of e-map for a crystal structure. All 12 parts are on one sheet. It's brutally complicated. Luckily, there is a VHS tape that has an audio version of the piece. I'm trying to get a copy of it so I can "practice" at home. Although I suspect that practicing alone is going to be virtually impossible!! I was freaking out when I saw the score, but once I sat and watched/listened to the VHS tape with Mel, it made a bit more sense. Still, I think it's going to take alot of work!!

Back to Ottawa on Monday, drop off the mineral exhibit, drop the truck off, drive home, drop the dog off, then go to the gym. I must say, I'm actually looking forward to training as a normal person for the next couple of weeks. I need to calm down, refocus, and start sparring more. Thankfully, Sacha is back from Thailand, and Kruu has expressed interest in treating the Phase III class as a fighters class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which I would be soooooooo happy with. The more hardcore fighting skills I can learn, the better. I need to learn to put into practice what I learn in class. I don't know what's stopping that connection from happening, but it's got to connect otherwise I'll never get the hang of this fighting thing. The first fight in October was easy. I didn't know any better! But now? Spending 3 full days in the thick of the fighting culture, I understand. I now fully understand. And I think that's a good thing. It's an elite group. A select group of people who will ever truly understand and appreciate what stepping into that ring means. Facing your worst fears. The only thing at that point that kept me going was knowing that my Kruu would never let anything happen to me. It's like doing a PhD and putting your full faith in your supervisor, no matter what happens.

Back from TBA-SA Muay Thai Open, Iowa - synopsis

My amateur Muay Thai record is now 1-2. Woo hoo!! It feels good to have your hand raised in the ring!! I made it into the semi-finals at the TBA-SA Muay Thai Open, having won my first fight by split decision, and lost my 2nd fight by split decision as well.


To write about the entire weekend would take me forever - it was a great experience, a definite learning experience, and one that I'm looking forward to partaking in again next year.

First and foremost, I have to thank my Kruu and all my training partners who helped me get ready for this weekend. Without them, fighting isn't possible. Training, in general, wouldn't be possible!! It's alot of work prepping for a fight and it's not done in isolation, that's for sure.

Weigh-ins. Weighs were Friday at 2pm. Thursday, I had gone for a run to try and drop water weight. I was 149 lbs when I left the hotel. Keep in mind, Iowa on this day was about +35 degrees. I went for a run with Sacha around 4pm, but it was still bloody hot. I put on a sauna suit, and then sweat pants and a sweat top, bundled up like a freak in the 100 degree weather!! I couldn't keep up with Sacha - no way, I was exhausted after 10 minutes. I slowed down and turned around at 30 min. On the way back, I had to stop at a bank and hope not to faint from heat exhaustion. Possibly one of the stupidest things I have ever done!! I felt sooooooo bad!! Underneath the sauna suit layers, I was dripping wet. Back at the hotel, I collapsed on the bathroom floor, hoping not to die right there. When I finally got mobile, I stripped down and went downstairs to the hot tub and did a few cycles of 10 min in the hot tub, then jump into the pool to cool off. By the time I came back upstairs and stepped on the scale, I was 143.5. Woo hoo!!! I had a light supper (chicken and salad and green beans) and only sucked on ice chips and a bit of water for that evening.

I was nervous as hell Friday morning. The bulk of my anxiety about this weekend tournament was making weight, so I knew as soon as weigh-ins were over, I was going to feel a whole hell of alot better. In the morning, I sat in the hot tub a bit more, and didn't drink anything. I did have a light breakfast (hard boiled eggs and a yoghurt) with coffee. We left for weigh-ins around 1:30pm. I got to pre-weigh myself and found out that I was 144.4 lbs - 0.6 lbs under the limit!! Woo hoo!! So we had to wait around for the medics and to get all the paper work done. It all went smooth, including the official weigh-in. Afterwards, we went to an Italian place for lunch (okay, it was 3pm lunch!!) and just pigged out!! Too much food actually. I couldn't finish all my ravioli - it was too rich and too much carbs for my carb-deprived body. But man, real food felt good!!! Actually, we ate WAY too much all weekend - Italian, steak, ribs, bbq, beer. Although I really didn't have that much beer - one a day, plus a margharita on saturday night when I knew I wasn't going to be fighting the next day.

Fight #1. In the blue corner, weighing in at 144.4 lbs...

Win, split decision (29-28, 29-28, 28-29). The majority of this fight was spent in the clinch. I learned very quickly that I don't turn people in the clinch very well!! I did utilize the body hug/back-breaker clinch alot, which the ref didn't like and warned me about (perfectly legal though). I lost the first round and won the 2nd and 3rd rounds. In the first round, a right cross stunned me right at the beginning and made me realize that yes, I was in a fight and the girl actually wanted to hurt me!! She landed a good knee as well, which knocked the wind out of me. The combination of the two made me a bit gun-shy, and made me lose all concept of relaxing and not rushing. I spent A LOT of time in the clinch, which is odd because I really don't like being there in the first place!! Mid way through the 1st round, I really didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be hit anymore, I didn't want to feel like puking. Actually, I wasn't ever really gassed in either fight - it was more me not wanting to be hit! In hindsight, if I had kept my guard up, I wouldn't have been in that situation. When the decision came, having my hand raised as the winner was an amazing feeling!! I felt so relieved, so excited and completely happy about winning. Hug my opponent, bow to her Kruu, hug my Kruu and bounce around, giddy as hell.

Fight #2. In the red corner...

Between the 1st and 2nd fights, I had a couple of hours to kill so spent the time relaxing, snacking (ooooh, definite junk food and coffee happened!!), and watching the other fights. It turned out that Sacha and I had our fights back to back (#54 and 55) so we worked it with the coordinator to be in the same ring, back to back, to make it easier on Kruu Bob to corner for us both.

I felt slightly flat before my 2nd fight. I kept the warm-up short this time, did some shadow boxing, skipping and just bouncing around to keep warm. My head was winning and I was thinking too much. I need to figure out how to quell the voices in my head before a fight and stay in the moment. I kept flashing back to the first fight, which wasn 't being productive.

I lost the 2nd fight, split decision (30-27, 29-28, 27-30). In the end, I think I did more damage to her than she did to me. She didn't manage to get in any good punches nor kicks. Again, the bulk of the time was spent in the clinch, not because I wanted to be there, but simply due to the fact that I moved in for punches and didn't move out again, got myself trapped and had to resort to the clinch. Again, I was unable to turn the girl and throw truly effective knees. I got in one great cut kick and should have moved in further for the kill, but that was the one time where I actually did back up!! Poor Kruu, I could hear him yelling "move in! move in!!", but I couldn't do as he was saying - I was gun-shy and tired. 2 fights in one day? Hell ya, I was tired by that 3rd round!!

The above photo is of myself, Kruu Bob and Ajarn Chai at the TBA (Thai Boxing Association) 40th Anniversary dinner. Ajarn Chai is the founder of TBA, and a Muay Thai legend. He's also Kruu's instructor. An amazing man, to say the least.

Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!

The countdown is on - 4am this coming morning and I will head to the airport to start on this journey!

Let's bang!

Bring it on!

Happy Birthday to Me!

34 years old today. Amazing, eh?

But celebrations and libations will be postponed until Sunday evening, after the TBA tournament. At that time, celebrations should also include the TBA-SA welterweight title belt. Fingers are crossed! So for today, the birthday treat consists of 3 butterscotch Werther's candies. Woo hoo! I should have put a candle on them...

I discovered last night that peanut butter is the bain of my existence right now. I cannot have it in the house. It has to go. So I put the jar in the freezer. Otherwise, it calls to me in the evenings and I would gladly sit there with a spoon and eat the whole jar. I know, it's good for me. In small quantities! Not half a jar at a time. But it tastes so good. Tuna, any which way, is just not cutting it.

But I have to keep reminding myself that I am soooo close. Weigh-ins are 72 hours away. Now's Not including the time change, which I am very unsure of what that might be. Now's not the time to have a binge session. Now's the time to start cutting down on water though.

Iowa. Where in the world is Iowa anyway? America's northern corn fields. Well, "northern" is all relative, right?

I might be fighting in Toronto on July 26th. Kruu Bob is going to call to have my name put on the card. But he's putting a caveat in place - I have to return from the battles in Iowa in good shape, in one piece, with nothing busted up. But this would be cool!! That way, friends and relatives would be able to come and watch! Although I suspect not many of them would. Most of them are a bit curious about Muay Thai, but in general, my closest friends want nothing to do with watching me get hit in the ring and won't come watch. They'll be supportive, but watching in person is another story.

Representation in Iowa diminishing

It looks like there might be fewer of us headed to the TBA Open in Iowa than originally planned - either by 1 or 2 actually. It means that the expenses for the trip are increased, which is not a problem, but also means less fighters representing our gym. On the other hand, it means cornering for Kruu will not be a problem!! It might be just he and I headed down. I was looking forward to the comradery of having a few of my gym-mates along with me as a cheering squad. And a gang to hang out with after winning the belt of course! It's possible there will still be three of us, but it's not looking too likely. Puts an interesting twist on the weekend, that's for sure!

Today has been a lazy day - lots of dog-walking, reading, watching movies. I decided to take it easy, with 2 more days of hard training and cardio tomorrow and tuesday, light cardio on Wednesday. I'm still a little panicked about making weight and regaining full strength, but it's not based in reality. Even if I'm a bit over on Friday, I have a sauna suit and the sauna right there at the hotel to take off the last pound or two. Not a worry. I just have to be smart about rehydrating and refueling to be prepared for the next day. I've already started packing, including some Muscle Milk and Cytomax to make sure that I have something fluid and easily digestable right after the weigh-ins. Something that will bring my glycogen levels back up to normal in a quick hurry!

Turning 34 years of age on Tuesday. That's hard to believe! I'm the oldest fighter in my Welterweight division next weekend. The oldest, but right now, in the best shape I've ever been in my life. Feels pretty good actually!! I'm headed to Sudbury the weekend after Iowa and I can hear the comments from my mom and grandmother now: "you're so skinny!!". Which I'm not really, but definitely thinner than they have seen me in ages. Actually, for the last year, every time I have gone to Sudbury, it's been pre-fight and I've been carefully watching food and doing insane cardio while there. This time, I'll be free!! Unless of course this possible fight on the 27th happens. If that's the case, then I have to stay on the wagon for another 2 weeks. Which is actually fine by me as I'd like to hover around 145 lbs normally anyway. The plan for the summer is to maintain this weight, let my body adjust so it will stay here happily.

Lost in Translation

I've finally figured out why "Lost in Translation" is one of my favorite films of all times - I've been in this situation/relationship, a number of times, both while traveling and at home. Probably more times than is healthy really!! It's a knack I have, both a blessing and a crutch. Relationships such as this one are the most real, most intense type that one can have, the ones that make the most impact on your life, your character, your views on life. Watching this movie, no matter how many times, makes me happy and glad that I'm not alone. Right now, it's also making me want to return to Thailand!! The lure of traveling and being away from home, able to ditch all inhibitions, dive into new situations and meet new people. I've done things traveling that I would never, ever consider doing at home. Particularly when I was living in Paris. Being alone in another country gives you the opportunity to explore yourself more than you are ever able to do when at home, surrounded by people who have expectations about how the 'normal' you should act. I can't say I've ever had as diverse experience anywhere else like I had in France though. That was special, on so many levels. What an eye-opener that was!!

I'm taking today off training so am watching movies, doing dishes, laundry, and generally relaxing. Cooking roasted veggies right now actually. My legs are a bit sore, so I figure I should give them a break and get back on the horse tomorrow to go hard for another couple of days before starting the recouperation period on Wednesday. I got on the scale this morning and weighed in at just below 150 lbs. Woo hoo!! I have not weighed this little in, oh, decades! I'm looking forward to walking around at this weight normally, even 10 lbs less than this. But to be back on a regular healthy diet as well, not cutting this hard and fast.

Pumped and ready to bang

Tonight, for the first time in ages, I feel really good - confident, strong, ready. Bring it on Iowa!! This is a good feeling, one that I hope stays around for the next week (positive thinking, positive thinking, positive thinking). I had a rough session at lunch on the bags - minor meltdown of the "I'm tired, I'm sore and I'm hungry" type with tears and an attempt to beat up the banana bag.

Note to self: the banana bag has no feelings and does not care how hard you hit it.

After the minor meltdown (thankfully I was flying solo in the gym at the time so no one was there to witness the female moment), I gathered myself together and did a few more rounds, followed by some cool down and called it an afternoon. This evening, I spent an hour sparring with two of our guys - light, technical sparring. I have a small worry that doing only light sparring will make me forget how to hit hard, but I'm certain this is just me being dumb and not really the truth!! It does make me think, take time to put combinations together, and gives me a chance to say "stop, let's work on that". i.e. catching teeps. Tonight, something just clicked in my head about working the head then taking the lead leg out, or vice versa (C, follows on your "if they're busy upstairs, the downstairs is open" comments from a few days ago). I pity the girl who gives me the room to start destroying her lead leg!! She'll never walk right again!! (insert maniacal laughter here). But yes, it was one of those light-bulb type moments.

All in all, a very productive sparring session that has left me pumped up and ready to bang!!! Iowa is a week away. I have 3, maybe 4 days of training left, then a couple of days to recouperate and heal the 'owies' on my shins, foot, knee, etc. Oh, and the bruise I gave myself by my own elbows yesterday while defending body shots... Stupid corner drill...

Now it's midnight and I can't sleep. Too excited, nervous. I have visions of being in that ring and having a big bling-y belt put around my waist. This time next week, I will be sitting in a hotel room in Des Moines, shedding the last water weight lbs, psyching myself up and, most likely, trying to get some sleep!! Melatonin will be my friend next week, I'm sure of it.

Black end to 33rd year of life

Ever have one of those 48 hours where you just hate your life? I'm in the midst of one of those sprees right now. Seems that nothing is going right. If something is going to go wrong, it's going to happen today. Work. Training. Eating. Weight. You name it. This is turning into a great finish to my 33rd year. I'm hoping that my birthday brings about a turn of events and I can start on an upswing and be somewhat happy. Because right now, I'm feeling very black. It can't all be like this, right? I need to get into a positive head state in order to deal with these fights next week. I know that closer to our leaving time, I'll be excited, but to tell you the truth, right now I'm not even excited about Iowa. It's more daunting than anything - will I make weight? Will I survive in the ring without getting the shit kicked out of me? I know that the answers to these questions are "yes" but cannot quite convince my inner snark of that at this point in time.

More later.

Happy Canada Day

So much for all the energy I had yesterday. Today I feel like absolute crap. I went for a 35 min run this morning, which left me feeling crappy. I attempted to go to the gym late this afternoon, but after the warm up and a round on the heavy bag, I knew that it was pointless to continue - too weak. Yesterday was a hard day - 10 km run plus time spent skipping and on the stationary bike, then a really hard Phase II class. I guess the no-carb diet that I've spent the last couple of days on didn't live up to that activity!! Thus, in order to survive the next 5 days of training, essentially the last 5 hard ones before Iowa, carbs are back on the menu for breakfast in the form of steel cut oats. Following cardio of course, which will likely be biking into work for the rest of the week. Then protein and veggies for the rest of the day. No fruit though. And limited Na to make sure that all fluids that come in are going out. Next week, given that the amount of training will be minimal, I can head back to tuna + veggies solely, and cutting down on water.

I was watching "Iron Chef" tonight and drooling over the chocolate and peanut butter dishes that they were making!! Oh man, after the weigh-ins, I am so going to find some chocolate!! Well, aside from a regular, carb-loaded meal and lots of water (and pedialyte to rehydrate).

Today is generally just an off day. Weak physically and mentally. Yesterday's meeting is still playing on my mind, but I'm hoping I can put it behind me and start fresh tomorrow. Or, more likely, start fresh after Iowa.

The lack of carbs is playing with my head as well, making me grouchy and tired and lacking focus.

And the negative snark has come out to play again.