Foot issues - to fight or not to fight

Sitting here watching any and all movies I own that have Thailand as a film location. I know, pathetic. But I'm anxious to leave and travel some more!! Anxious to get out of the bloody cold actually! It's been fridgid out there. I would prefer that it snows - that way, at least I can get out and ski. Maybe.

I have a decision to make - to fight or not to fight on January 10th. The problem is my foot. It is fucked up. I think it's a combination of plantar faciitis and a heel bruise (bone or otherwise). It's been bothering me since August when I simultaneously took up squash and sprint/hill training. The combination of the two aggrevated the tendons and ever since, it's been agony. I can't walk when i get up in the morning - it's stiff and horribly painful. Now, when I do train, kicking hurts - the impact tweaks the tendon and muscle and feels like it's being stripped off my foot. Running, well, just the thought of that is enough to make me wince. The pounding is really hard on the bottom of my foot and it takes days to recoup from one run.

I agreed to fight in Throwdown in January. January 10th. Which means that, as of today, I have 7 weeks to train and prep for that fight. My conditioning sucks as I haven't kept up my running regularly. For a normal student, it's fine. For a fighter, it sucks. I need to get that back up to standard, which means running. Cycling just won't do it. And with the cold weather and snow, there's no way I can cycle outside - that means bringing out my trainer and cycling inside in the apartment.

My decision right now is this: do I fight or do I pull my name and not fight.

I want to fight. That's not up for debate. But I don't want to destroy my foot and risk doing some serious damage to it. I have a suspicion I have already damaged something beyond a minor injury.

But telling Kruu that I want my name pulled, that feels like wimping out. That feels like I'm just avoiding the work required to fight in January - the blood, sweat and tears that are involved in fight prep. I don't want to disappoint him by pulling out, not being ready, not working hard. It's a horrible feeling. I feel like I'm cheating myself as well - avoiding the hard work. Am I that soft and wimpy? I don't think so. I hope not anyway.

I want to fight though. Since Iowa, I have been a bit gun-shy, and I'm finally getting back into sparring. Stepping back into the ring took a great deal of courage. Something got punched out of me this summer and I think I have finally emerged and realized that I can defeat that feeling of being afraid. Fear. That was the biggest thing with me. I've never been truly afraid of anything. And in Iowa, that first round, I was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of having my teeth knocked out. Afraid of disappointing my Kruu.

So January. To fight or not to fight. The question is still being posed. I'm giving myself a week to decide. In that time, I'm going to try and get a physio appointment to determine what exactly is wrong with my heel, as well as get my orthotics checked out to make sure they are still in working order. It's been a number of years since they have be assessed so I may as well do it now.

Otherwise, life has been a bit chaotic, but ok. I'm enjoying my first quiet weekend in ages. Most weekends lately have been spent either working, or with prior committments. This weekend is free and clean. Which is great! I spent most of the afternoon today doing domestic chores, grocery shopping, and icing my heel. Tonight, I'm watching movies. Currently: Bridget Jones, Edge of Reason. I'm thinking "The Beach" might be next. Depends on how late it gets and how sleepy I feel. Tomorrow, I think I will try and get in to see a walk-in doctor at UofO and have my foot looked at.

It's times like this that I feel old. :)

Agony

1.5 hours of Silat this morning, attempting to bounce up from somewhat un-natural positions, coupled with kettle bells has resulted in me being in absolute agony right now. I was on single arm swings and something in my lower back let go. Agony. My lower back is in spasm and completely tweaked. I'm sitting here at home, stoned on Robaxacet and attempting to move without looking like I have a stick shoved up my ass into my spine! Wow, talk about pain. Not entirely sure what I did, but I'm hoping it goes away soon so I can get back to training.

Last night we had our first meeting with our house building team. I think we have a good team - great sense of humor and everyone seems to get along. Now, all I have to do is buy my ticket. The problem is that I'm not going to be able to buy it until December. On top of that, if I do buy a ticket, there is no way that I can get my car fixed to go to Sudbury at Christmas. I just can't afford to do both. So, I tucked my tail between my legs and have asked for help and a loan from a family member. If I can buy the ticket now, I can save myself alot of stress. But I can't afford to. I don't want to have to back out of the build, let them all down, but then again I hate borrowing money. Unfortunately, with the way my family is, there is only one person who I could turn to, but I'm not sure it's going to work out. The joys of a dysfunctional family, eh? So it's either ask for help, or cancel the trip entirely. Horrible situation. It would be nice if our retro pay came earlier than later. I didn't sleep at all last night worrying about this. I fell asleep around 4am, got up around 8am to get to the gym in time. Not enough sleep that's for sure. I have to work tomorrow so I'm hoping that tonight brings more sleep. And less worrying. But the worry may only go away after I receive an answer to my letter.