Foot issues - to fight or not to fight

Sitting here watching any and all movies I own that have Thailand as a film location. I know, pathetic. But I'm anxious to leave and travel some more!! Anxious to get out of the bloody cold actually! It's been fridgid out there. I would prefer that it snows - that way, at least I can get out and ski. Maybe.

I have a decision to make - to fight or not to fight on January 10th. The problem is my foot. It is fucked up. I think it's a combination of plantar faciitis and a heel bruise (bone or otherwise). It's been bothering me since August when I simultaneously took up squash and sprint/hill training. The combination of the two aggrevated the tendons and ever since, it's been agony. I can't walk when i get up in the morning - it's stiff and horribly painful. Now, when I do train, kicking hurts - the impact tweaks the tendon and muscle and feels like it's being stripped off my foot. Running, well, just the thought of that is enough to make me wince. The pounding is really hard on the bottom of my foot and it takes days to recoup from one run.

I agreed to fight in Throwdown in January. January 10th. Which means that, as of today, I have 7 weeks to train and prep for that fight. My conditioning sucks as I haven't kept up my running regularly. For a normal student, it's fine. For a fighter, it sucks. I need to get that back up to standard, which means running. Cycling just won't do it. And with the cold weather and snow, there's no way I can cycle outside - that means bringing out my trainer and cycling inside in the apartment.

My decision right now is this: do I fight or do I pull my name and not fight.

I want to fight. That's not up for debate. But I don't want to destroy my foot and risk doing some serious damage to it. I have a suspicion I have already damaged something beyond a minor injury.

But telling Kruu that I want my name pulled, that feels like wimping out. That feels like I'm just avoiding the work required to fight in January - the blood, sweat and tears that are involved in fight prep. I don't want to disappoint him by pulling out, not being ready, not working hard. It's a horrible feeling. I feel like I'm cheating myself as well - avoiding the hard work. Am I that soft and wimpy? I don't think so. I hope not anyway.

I want to fight though. Since Iowa, I have been a bit gun-shy, and I'm finally getting back into sparring. Stepping back into the ring took a great deal of courage. Something got punched out of me this summer and I think I have finally emerged and realized that I can defeat that feeling of being afraid. Fear. That was the biggest thing with me. I've never been truly afraid of anything. And in Iowa, that first round, I was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of having my teeth knocked out. Afraid of disappointing my Kruu.

So January. To fight or not to fight. The question is still being posed. I'm giving myself a week to decide. In that time, I'm going to try and get a physio appointment to determine what exactly is wrong with my heel, as well as get my orthotics checked out to make sure they are still in working order. It's been a number of years since they have be assessed so I may as well do it now.

Otherwise, life has been a bit chaotic, but ok. I'm enjoying my first quiet weekend in ages. Most weekends lately have been spent either working, or with prior committments. This weekend is free and clean. Which is great! I spent most of the afternoon today doing domestic chores, grocery shopping, and icing my heel. Tonight, I'm watching movies. Currently: Bridget Jones, Edge of Reason. I'm thinking "The Beach" might be next. Depends on how late it gets and how sleepy I feel. Tomorrow, I think I will try and get in to see a walk-in doctor at UofO and have my foot looked at.

It's times like this that I feel old. :)