Passed test! Starting Phase II in January. In Sudbury right now.

I passed my Muay Thai Phase I test last night!! Woo hoo!! With flying colours. Yeah!! So in January, I'll start in Phase II, which will be brutal!! Looking forward to it though - more challenges!! I was trying to explain to Andy tonight over coffee about Muay Thai and he just doesn't get it. Yes, the fitness aspect of things he understands, but not the sparring/competition end of things. It's a hard thing to get across to people who aren't involved in martial arts. It's not just a vicious beat the crap out of each other type of activity. It's strategic, a mental game as much as physical. But I guess with a pre-conceived notion that it's violent, trying to convince someone otherwise is practically impossible.

But yeah!!!! Phase II here we come!!! Can't wait.

I'm in Sudbury right now - got in around 6pm tonight after a rainy drive from Ottawa. I ran into a couple of squash league people in Deep River, dropped Luc off in Sturgeon, and got in here for supper. Had supper, walked the dog, and then went and got Andy and went to Starbuck's for a coffee. Priority!! See mom, go have coffee with Andy. :)

Tomorrow's the big family gathering here at my mom's. Not quite sure what is on tap for the rest of the week, except the 28th. I'm going to try and get home on the 29th for our Kali class at 4pm, and then Saturday is the big UFC 61 fight. A bunch of us from the academy are going to watch it at TJ Pagoda's, where we had our Christmas party. Should be fun.

Anyway, I think it's bath/shower time. I'm going to try and get in a run tomorrow morning before the place becomes crowded and food starts flowing. Or at least get in a workout - I borrowed the 50 lb punching bag from work and strung it up in the basement so I can get in a bit of shadow boxing and bag work. Shit!! I forgot my skipping rope!! Argh. So must go for a run. I have a very big goal - 150 lbs by May. I've never come across a sport that I enjoy so much, not even squash. And this is the first time I've been this motivated to get down to that weight. I'll be really happy when I do.

24 hours

24 hour countdown til my Phase II testing! Yeah!! I think I'm ready. The week started off not too great with remedial kicking on Tuesday, but it's ended good! At lunch today, there were only 2 of us, so we did some shadow boxing, worked on the heavy bag, and then sparred for the rest of the time. It's really cool, alot of fun. But whoa, alot more practice is needed! When fists come flying at your head, all rational thought goes out the window! And I've discovered that I'm more likely to aim for the body than the head of my sparring partner. I also need to stop rushing at my opponent, letting him come to me. It's all practice though, experience. I took quite a few punches, some to the head, and realized that it doesn't hurt all that much. Well, it's friendly sparring, it's not supposed to hurt. But I have to learn to not blink when fists come at me. It's difficult to convince yourself that not blinking is good for you.

I talked with Kruu afterwards about competing. A year from now I can be thrown into the ring. I need to drop down to 150 though as I need to fit into a lower weight class. I'll never be less than 150 lbs, which means I'll be fighting women taller than me, but I think I can handle that.

Got a phone call this aft from a friend of mine which completely surprised me - banffers coming out of the blue! It was really nice actually, left me all warm and fuzzy for the rest of the day. :) Smile and hug via the telephone, it was great! Miss him alot, alot. I think I may have to pester Jay about having that winter reunion that he was talking about.

On the other hand, one other friend is still AWOL. He specifically asked if I was free today and I haven't heard from him since. Such is life. Oh well. Not to sound bitter or anything... :)

agitated on a wednesday evening

3 days before heading north for the festive season. But I'm certainly not feeling all that festive! I took today off to get some domestic work done - cleaning, dishes, etc. I felt like crap when I woke up this morning, a mood that seems to have stuck with me for the day and now into the evening.

A friend was supposed to come into town today but apparently he is sick at home (his secretary was nice enough to send me a message letting me know his trip was cancelled - in itself a very, very weird email to get as it's a bit scary to think that someone's email is being read by their secretary as well!!). This is too bad as I was looking forward to seeing him tonight - it's been a while. Tomorrow I think I was supposed to have cidre with another friend, but he's disappeared off the face of the planet in the last week so am not so sure what's up so presume that nothing's happening. Maybe not such a bad thing as not meeting face-to-face means not having to discuss more personal issues. Avoidance. It's a wonderful thing!! Although I was given hopes of receiving a tourtiere...

So, all in all not a happy camper right now. I went to the gym this afternoon and got in a weight workout, which I thought would get rid of the tension, but it doesn't seem to have done that. I'm agitated right now.

There is nothing on TV.

Dunno if I'm going to survive going to sudbury.

one week til phase II test

Happy Saturday! It's been quite the productive day. I spent the morning doing some shopping. I got my nephew's present - snowshoes! Hopefully we'll get some snow now or else maybe it would have been better to get him a bike or such. Anyway, they are nice kid's snowshoes - made by Tubbs and they'll last him until he's almost 100 lbs, which should give him a good number of years use of them.

I spent the afternoon at the Academy, practicing with Kate, Michael and Kruu Nathan. Talk about a good instructional period!! I asked Kruu Bob if I could test on Friday and he's agreed, so I have 4 days of practice left! I'm a bit nervous to test for Phase II, but it'll be nice to get into the higher level classes. I think my body has gotten used to Phase I classes and I need to step it up a notch. I ran through the entire listing of what I need to know for the test with the gang and they all agreed I should do fine. It was fun actually - I learned a number of new exercises to work on my footwork, make sure I'm moving correctly. I learned alot today actually. The test should go fine (fingers crossed).

Purple toe

One of my toes is not the right colour. Think that's a bad thing? It's vaguely purple-blue, not really the nice fleshy colour it should be. Hmmm... can't think of what I might have done to it. I don't think it's broken.

More later...

Okay, back after Muay Thai. Apparently the bruising on my toe is "normal" so no worries. Might have hit it wrong on a pad or something. It's kinda cool though! Weird. My shins are going to be purple and blue tomorrow as well. We were practicing shields at lunch today, and combined with kicks tonight, they are aching already. Tomorrow night is our academy fight night - get to watch some real fights! Well, friendly fights because they are all members of our club. :)

I'm watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" and eating supper. I discovered yesterday that Peter Boyle, the older actor who plays Frank on the show, died this week. That's really sad. I don't usually get affected by actors dying, but he's actually one of my favorites. That's really too bad. He reminds me of my geochem prof from Laurentian - same sense of humour at times.

is it friday yet?

In a bit of a pissy mood tonight, for no particular reason actually. Forgot to take my anti-depressant this morning, but that can't have had an effect so soon. I'm a bit sore - gonna take tomorrow off Muay Thai as I think my body needs a bit of a break. I was hurting by the end of class tonight. My right ankle is a bit sore - I just ordered some anklets for stability so hopefully that'll help. I'm trying to figure out if that's the ankle I've gone over on a number of times while playing squash. I'm going to book a massage appointment tomorrow as well - time to strip out the calves again.

I really would like to start sparring on Fridays in January, but ball hockey is getting in the way!! Argh. Maybe 1 out of 4 weeks I can pass the goalie gear to Nancy and have her play nets so I can spar. I'd like to try one of the fight nights as well, but would like to lose some more weight before that. Been doing well so far, but I have a suspicion that the combination of an increased dose of antidepressant and being a slug for most of July and August contributed to a weight gain. Now's time to burn it off, which is always harder!!

ugh. lacking energy right now. head full, tired. Man, do I need a few days off. Completely off. Preferably someplace warm and sunny!! Playing phone tag with laura, trying to sort out a few science fair related things.

Ah, no more teaching!!!

Long time no write eh? Been a long last couple of days - Mineral Science Piss-up friday at lunch, then down to Elgin Street to pick up a friend, then to pick up Jeff Crelinsten, who was our moderator for the Cafe Scientifique that evening at the Royal Oak. The Cafe was a hit actually! We had about 40 people there, and there were not that many staff, which was a big change from the one last month. Jeff was a great moderator - he even managed to tell one of the more obnoxious participants to "shut the fuck up" in a nice, polite way! I was impressed. He did an excellent job and I would bring him back again.

I think I made a mistake upon coming home though. I've got a situation on my hands that I'd preferably not be caught in, but on the other hand don't want to get out of. I got home after driving a friend home, and the gerbils in my head were running strong. I decided that I would send an email to this friend who shares the situation with me. No, not a drunken email!! I was sober! But maybe it was crossing a line. Maybe I just have to let this drop and go cold turkey. I very much have feelings for him, am unsure of his for me (I'm pretty certain he's confused about his own feelings) but decided I would try and explain those, again, again, to him. Maybe a bad idea. I don't know. Haven't heard a response, although that could be due to a busy life more than anything. Pissed off maybe? I just don't know how to get across what's in my head, in my heart, in normal words. I don't think it's possible actually, without either sounding stalker-ish, emotionally fucked up, or simply desperate! Is the female and male mind that much different????? It's a hard situation. I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't just take myself out of the picture for a while. It's hard though, you know? When you want to be with someone, talk to them, spend time with them, etc., but the circumstances don't allow that? It's hard. It's brutal in fact. It stabs at the heart at every turn and it's worse knowing there's not a fuck of alot you can do about it. What's worse is he's just as confused me thinks, and has a habit of throwing out contradictory info at every turn, in the typical way of all adult children of alcoholics. Something Scott said to me a while back always seems to resonate - that adult children always seem to find each other. They are naturally attracted to each other, without knowing each others' backgrounds, and find they understand each other instinctively, can easily see through each others' bullshit because the other person tends to use the same bullshit!!! It's true. There's alot that doesn't have to be said when you know the other person has a similar background - all the excuses, the reactions to certain stimuli, certain situations, the way we're all very good at contradicting ourselves, being unsure, lacking self-esteem, thinking the worst of ourselves, being needy, needing to please people, needing reassurance, etc. It's amost amusing to think that a group of people can be so stereotypical. It actually pisses me off to an extent.

Anyway, yes, he and I fall into this category, although I think I'm more aware of that than he is. I think I understand the attraction at my level, but maybe don't want to admit that yet. And maybe that's for another blog or for my therapist! I think Ray and I need to have another session - I warned him that I'd be back before Christmas! He'll be expecting me. Oh, he'll have a field day with this one... He'll sit there with that grin on his face, knowing full well what I'm doing, and knowing full well that I know what I'm doing!! It's a weird little circle we have going at times!! Well, 2 years in therapy, he knows me better than anyone else on the planet! So he'd just giggle about this one.

It's amazing what the lack of one thing in your childhood makes you do in your adulthood.

Saturday, the cold I've been fighting off reared its ugly head and I spent the day lying on the couch, fighting for space with the dog. Managed to get rid of the cold though, and went for a short run on Sunday. Abbey can't take a long run, so we cut it short to 5 km and then walked the rest of the way home. I think I'm going to have to do my long runs without him on the weekends.

Finally this week I'm DONE with teaching!! Don't get me wrong, I love teaching, but it does take alot of time and lately things have been too insane. I am almost finished marking my final exams (should be done tomorrow), and then have a few things that need to get done before Christmas and hopefully I can take the holidays off. I have an editor from MinMag on my ass, waiting for a few changes to a manuscript that was supposed to be published in August. He couldn't have asked me for this info 4 months ago?!!

I found out today that more people than I know are reading this! Kinda interesting actually. Doesn't mean that I'll start filtering (well, a certain level of self-filtering happens here anyway), but I find it interesting. But hey, a blog is open space, can contain anything and is not work-related. So fuck it! Read all you want guys! Maybe it makes me more understandable, or less! I don't know. Insight into my head is not always a good thing!

5 straight days of muay thai

Muay Thai Monday, Tuesday lunch, Wednesday, Thursday lunch, Thursday evening. Yikes. My body needs a day off! Not complaining though - it's been a blast! Got in some really good workouts. Yesterday I had a 45 min private lesson with Kruu Bob on Kali techniques. It's difficult, very complex. Not the same physical challenge as MT, but mentally very difficult. My head hurts by the end of a session!! I have a really hard time relaxing my body to just go with the flow of the sticks. Practice, practice, practice. I'm going to set up some tape on one of my walls to practice the patterns. I had a long discussion with Bob later about traveling through Asia, which was actually alot of fun. He's very knowledgeable in Asian culture and knows where to go to get away from tourists (my kind of travel!). I'm going to try hard to go over there next December, over Christmas maybe.

At lunch today, we did a bunch of clinch techniques, and I'm certain tomorrow morning my neck is going to be aching!! My shins are bruised from practicing shields. Tomorrow's a day off training though. Mineral sciences piss-up for lunch and then the Cafe Scientifique in the evening. I've gotta try and eat healthy at lunch. Actually the Royal Oak is worse! Those spicey fries... Mmmmm... But I'll be good. Or try to be at least. I think I'm getting sick - my throat has been a bit sore all day long.

The semester is almost over - I picked up my final exams this morning, marked the lab exams yesterday, so only have the finals to mark now. I should be done that by the weekend, and then YEAH!! No more teaching!!!

Tired here. Gotta be up early to get Jeffrey from the airport tomorrow. Also have to figure out a way to get my goalie gear to Nancy so she can play goal tomorrow evening.

This is a really superficial entry eh? Nothing terribly exciting. But even my thumbs are sore right now, so I think I'll just go watch tv!!!

45 min run yesterday, sore quads today

Wow, are my legs ever sore! I went for a run yesterday afternoon, 45 min, the longest run I have done in a couple of months. Yikes! It felt really good at the time - my cardio from Muay Thai is really good, but today? OMG! My quads are aching. I can't decide if I'm looking forward to an hour of Muay Thai and another hour of Kali tonight or not! It might help to get some of the stiffness out. On the other hand, I may be incapacitated tomorrow! I'll sleep well tonight anyway. I was impressed at the level of cardio fitness I've achieved just in the last month. I'm realizing I'm also not tiring out as often in MT, have built up the stamina to the point where I don't drop my hands at the end of a session.

I was looking into the Bangkok Fairtext Muay Thai camp last night. Had a few back and forth email messages from them, answering my questions. Looks like a great place. I'm thinking of going for a month next december. Maybe again for longer after the 2008 CWSF.

Bed-hog!

The dog completely took over the bed last night!! I woke up at 2am and discovered he was sleeping horizontally on the bed, his ass in my face, so got up to go to the washroom. When I came back, he had taken over my spot!! Knowing full well that if I heaved him over, growling would result, I just got in on the other side, against the wall. Gees, pretty bad when the dog has control over the bed! I guess I could have shoved him over, ignoring the nasty growling that would have occurred, but I was too asleep to care. :)

Our annual "Mineral sciences piss-up" is this coming Friday, starting at noon at Meditheo. What horrible timing, since Friday is also the Cafe Scientifique, the speaker for which is someone that I have invited along. Whoops. So I'm going to have to bow-out of the piss-up early, which doesn't make me happy. Especially given the atmosphere lately, with me changing roles and not being totally mineralogy-oriented lately. I'd rather show that I'm not deserting them, but I don't have much of a choice this Friday. I wonder if I can get people to come to the Royal Oak for supper or at least a beer so they are with me? Probably not. It's a long way off from the Market. The only good thing about this is that I won't spend as much money as I otherwise would. It's usually a very expensive day!

Been having an interesting time/experience with a friend of mine, trying to figure out where our relationship stands, what is between us, and trying to sort out our own lives. It's been an interesting experience. The one thing it has done is made me realize, again, how important close, intimate, personal relationships are, just on a platonic level. Although maybe that closeness has to stem from wanting more than a platonic relationship, but for whatever reason, that can't realistically happen. But it's good. I think it's heathly and helps both of us immensely.