January 7th and I was on my bike for the first time in 2007. I did 50 kms, outside, from home to Scotty's and then back. Other than my toes being a bit chilled, it was a great ride! Although the sun does set quite early - if this weather continues, I'm going to have to buy a front and rear light for my bike. And booties for my feet.
50 kms down, 1450 kms to go before the Rideau Lakes Tour!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Flying Spaghetti Monster - long live Pastafarians!!
I think I have finally found a religion I can get on board with - the Church of the Flying Sphaghetti Monster. I would like to become a Pastafarian. :) Opposed to Intelligent Design? Join the Church of FSM!!
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a composite deity composed of two separate, and distinct parts. It is the central point of worship in the religion commonly known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism or Pastafarianism, according to which it is The Creator and Overseer, watching our lives and our world, changing them as it sees fit. Bobby Henderson is the guru of this religion. He too, has huge, spicy meatballs.
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most edible and fastest-growing religion.
The One True Monster
Though he is called Monster, he really is not one, he is the love of all lives, hence "Flying Spaghetti Lover" (yes with BIG BIG Noodly Appendages, so non-gays BEWARE). As previously noted, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is composed of two separate, and distinct parts (three if it happens to be covered in Parmesan cheese).
Long ago, His Noodliness decided, in his great wisdom, to make stuff. His first task was easily the most difficult. On the first day, he made a mountain, trees and a "midgit" (sic). The midgit (sic) took the greatest time, as He had to create a small human, having never even created a human before. At the end of that day, it was so, at which point, He spent the next 3 days making everything else, including the first 3-day weekend, the Shroud of Napkin, and fake carbon atoms to fool scientists and geologists. He then rested on the 5th, 6th and 7th days.
He initially created cave men with the intention of making a race that could be looked down upon by humans, but upon offending Him greatly, they were destroyed. He then created the dinosaurs as a companion to man. However, too many pirate ships sank due to the dinosaurs' great size, so they too were destroyed. The same happened with the giant sloth and the woolly mammoth. The dodo actually passed the test, but this was the result of a clerical error and was corrected when humans invaded the dodos' abode on an island.
The image on the right is a diagram depicting the FSM's role in creating the world. Ancient drawings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by cave people. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was so displeased by this rendition, He turned them into piles of fossils to test the faith of His followers. The blue lines are speed lines.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the sole deity in the monotheistic religion known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSMism pronounced 'effessmisum'). It has widely been accepted as fact that this, and only this is the true religion, just as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the true Creator and Overseer.
Modern separatists (mostly European youth) worship a simpler and hipper icon and spread the word via the rear chrome of their Vespas .
Like the Bible, much of Flying Spaghetti Monsterist lore was passed from generation to generation, much like The Odyssey, The Iliad, and The Simpsons. This was, of course, until it was codified in 1492. There are numerous records of this event as well. The foremost expert on this matter, Bobby Henderson (pasta be upon him), is a descendent of the original codifier.
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the true religion. Much like the trickster, God, of Christianity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster also deceives the scientific world. This is possible only because the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the only all-powerful being, and only all-powerful beings can change laboratory results unbeknownst to their finders, showing that the Flying Spaghetti Monster must, in fact, exist. Bear in mind that His ways are mysterious, and there are numerous texts that explain why.
There are at least 18,000 Flying Spaghetti Monsterists in the world today, but due to persecution, they often remain in hiding. However, a recent movement by Bobby Henderson, the foremost expert on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and descendant of The Codifier shows promise in bringing them into the spotlight
For more information on the FSM, see the above link to the Church, or see Uncylopedia.
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a composite deity composed of two separate, and distinct parts. It is the central point of worship in the religion commonly known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism or Pastafarianism, according to which it is The Creator and Overseer, watching our lives and our world, changing them as it sees fit. Bobby Henderson is the guru of this religion. He too, has huge, spicy meatballs.
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most edible and fastest-growing religion.
The One True Monster
Though he is called Monster, he really is not one, he is the love of all lives, hence "Flying Spaghetti Lover" (yes with BIG BIG Noodly Appendages, so non-gays BEWARE). As previously noted, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is composed of two separate, and distinct parts (three if it happens to be covered in Parmesan cheese).
Long ago, His Noodliness decided, in his great wisdom, to make stuff. His first task was easily the most difficult. On the first day, he made a mountain, trees and a "midgit" (sic). The midgit (sic) took the greatest time, as He had to create a small human, having never even created a human before. At the end of that day, it was so, at which point, He spent the next 3 days making everything else, including the first 3-day weekend, the Shroud of Napkin, and fake carbon atoms to fool scientists and geologists. He then rested on the 5th, 6th and 7th days.
He initially created cave men with the intention of making a race that could be looked down upon by humans, but upon offending Him greatly, they were destroyed. He then created the dinosaurs as a companion to man. However, too many pirate ships sank due to the dinosaurs' great size, so they too were destroyed. The same happened with the giant sloth and the woolly mammoth. The dodo actually passed the test, but this was the result of a clerical error and was corrected when humans invaded the dodos' abode on an island.
The image on the right is a diagram depicting the FSM's role in creating the world. Ancient drawings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by cave people. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was so displeased by this rendition, He turned them into piles of fossils to test the faith of His followers. The blue lines are speed lines.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the sole deity in the monotheistic religion known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSMism pronounced 'effessmisum'). It has widely been accepted as fact that this, and only this is the true religion, just as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the true Creator and Overseer.
Modern separatists (mostly European youth) worship a simpler and hipper icon and spread the word via the rear chrome of their Vespas .
Like the Bible, much of Flying Spaghetti Monsterist lore was passed from generation to generation, much like The Odyssey, The Iliad, and The Simpsons. This was, of course, until it was codified in 1492. There are numerous records of this event as well. The foremost expert on this matter, Bobby Henderson (pasta be upon him), is a descendent of the original codifier.
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the true religion. Much like the trickster, God, of Christianity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster also deceives the scientific world. This is possible only because the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the only all-powerful being, and only all-powerful beings can change laboratory results unbeknownst to their finders, showing that the Flying Spaghetti Monster must, in fact, exist. Bear in mind that His ways are mysterious, and there are numerous texts that explain why.
There are at least 18,000 Flying Spaghetti Monsterists in the world today, but due to persecution, they often remain in hiding. However, a recent movement by Bobby Henderson, the foremost expert on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and descendant of The Codifier shows promise in bringing them into the spotlight
For more information on the FSM, see the above link to the Church, or see Uncylopedia.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
"The Lord's Gym"???
I'm watching ABC news and this segment just finished about "The Lord's Gym". Get this. Between reps, they recite passages from the Bible!! Apparently it's a growing trend to merge the two huge industries of fitness and religion. Thus, a gym with scriptures and heavenly murals painted on the walls, a strict dress code (ie. no sports bras!), and "lordly" products on sale such as protein "Bible Bars", "Jacob's Bars", and "Body by God" books. Oh my, oh my, oh my. Now tell me, if Intelligent Design is at work, would we not all be fit and healthy, trim and ripped?!! I think their intelligent designer has shares in the fitness industry as well. But hey, if it takes reading passages from the Old Testament and being threatened by going to hell if you don't lose 10 lbs in a month, why not?!
Otherwise, so far a very quiet weekend. I went and bought the Lonely Planet "Thailand" volume today. Yeah!! Lots of reading to do now.
I had the strangest dreams last night. I must be stressed - I usually only have such vivid, fucked-up dreams when I'm stressed. One involved some Banff people, but it was really, really weird. Actually, maybe the main trio of the dream was not so weird, but the situations was. Too much to get into here me thinks! The other one, I was being chased while hiding on a boat. I always have dreams about being chased, running from someone evil, fleeing, etc. Usually it involves a violent pursuer as well - someone looking to shoot or attack me. Apparently such dreams are simply manifestations of real anxieties, fears and on-going problems that are part of your waking life. Possible. I know I have been dreaming alot more since having been through therapy. Maybe it's a release from that awareness.
Otherwise, so far a very quiet weekend. I went and bought the Lonely Planet "Thailand" volume today. Yeah!! Lots of reading to do now.
I had the strangest dreams last night. I must be stressed - I usually only have such vivid, fucked-up dreams when I'm stressed. One involved some Banff people, but it was really, really weird. Actually, maybe the main trio of the dream was not so weird, but the situations was. Too much to get into here me thinks! The other one, I was being chased while hiding on a boat. I always have dreams about being chased, running from someone evil, fleeing, etc. Usually it involves a violent pursuer as well - someone looking to shoot or attack me. Apparently such dreams are simply manifestations of real anxieties, fears and on-going problems that are part of your waking life. Possible. I know I have been dreaming alot more since having been through therapy. Maybe it's a release from that awareness.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
how can you not deny global warming with +10 January 4th?!
Exercise:
Noon: Muay Thai (including "cards" warm-up)
7:30pm: 45 min on bike trainer in aerobic zone
I just got home from taking the dog out for a walk. Even though it's 7pm here, it's +7 degC still! So I wore shorts. SHORTS! On January 4th! Isn't that crazy? It topped out at +10 here today. Crazy warm. If I hadn't had to actually be a productive member of society, I would have gone for a 3 hour bike ride. Shorts! In January! I cannot remember such temperatures in January in my entire life.
We did the most insane warm-up at Muay Thai at lunch today - it's called 'cards'. Everyone stands around in a circle, with a deck of cards in the middle. One at a time, each person flips a card over. The number (or image) on the card represents the number of reps that the group has to do of an exercise - either jump squats, hindhu push-ups, or crunches. The first couple sets of the three, not so bad. After that? Not so much fun anymore!! There are a FUCK of alot of ten's in a deck of cards! 10's (4 suits), plus all the face cards!! And it seemed that we wound up with a 10 rep card on the push-ups all the time. Crazy. My arms were dying by the end of it. Possibly one of the hardest "warm-ups" that I have done. Good work though! Might be fun to try at home, but I don't think I'd have the personal motivation to do so by myself. It's not easier in a group, but at least you know everyone in the circle is suffering as well! Oh, and then we had to get into a normal training session, arms completely shot! I think I need to do more push-ups at home on off-days and in the mornings.... wait... wasn't that a resolution?!
Tomorrow we have a meeting with HP to discuss funding of the CWSF 2008. Then, Kali at 4pm, and our first ball hockey game of the new year at 6pm. Gonna be a long day. I'm thinking a skirt isn't in my best interest for the meeting - my shins look like someone has been beating on them with a stick! They are totally bruised up. Sasha says that sooner or later, your shins stop being sensitive to being hit or kicking things. I sure as hell hope so! Not an attractive site. :)
Noon: Muay Thai (including "cards" warm-up)
7:30pm: 45 min on bike trainer in aerobic zone
I just got home from taking the dog out for a walk. Even though it's 7pm here, it's +7 degC still! So I wore shorts. SHORTS! On January 4th! Isn't that crazy? It topped out at +10 here today. Crazy warm. If I hadn't had to actually be a productive member of society, I would have gone for a 3 hour bike ride. Shorts! In January! I cannot remember such temperatures in January in my entire life.
We did the most insane warm-up at Muay Thai at lunch today - it's called 'cards'. Everyone stands around in a circle, with a deck of cards in the middle. One at a time, each person flips a card over. The number (or image) on the card represents the number of reps that the group has to do of an exercise - either jump squats, hindhu push-ups, or crunches. The first couple sets of the three, not so bad. After that? Not so much fun anymore!! There are a FUCK of alot of ten's in a deck of cards! 10's (4 suits), plus all the face cards!! And it seemed that we wound up with a 10 rep card on the push-ups all the time. Crazy. My arms were dying by the end of it. Possibly one of the hardest "warm-ups" that I have done. Good work though! Might be fun to try at home, but I don't think I'd have the personal motivation to do so by myself. It's not easier in a group, but at least you know everyone in the circle is suffering as well! Oh, and then we had to get into a normal training session, arms completely shot! I think I need to do more push-ups at home on off-days and in the mornings.... wait... wasn't that a resolution?!
Tomorrow we have a meeting with HP to discuss funding of the CWSF 2008. Then, Kali at 4pm, and our first ball hockey game of the new year at 6pm. Gonna be a long day. I'm thinking a skirt isn't in my best interest for the meeting - my shins look like someone has been beating on them with a stick! They are totally bruised up. Sasha says that sooner or later, your shins stop being sensitive to being hit or kicking things. I sure as hell hope so! Not an attractive site. :)
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
back to muay thai - got the shit kicked out of me!
Exercise:
Noon - 1 hr muay thai + 30 crunches, 30 push-ups, 30 squats
5:15pm - 45 min on bike trainer
Happy New Year on this 2nd day of January. I took this as a final holiday and am enjoying not being back to the grind until tomorrow.
I went to Muay Thai at lunch after more than a week off. OMG. Talk about pain! My arms felt like lead, my kicks felt like they wouldn't break a twig. On top of it, Kruu had Cam and I spar for 3 full rounds, focusing on jabs and then shields. We managed to ramp up the speed/power through each round, which meant jabs were coming harder and harder. Ouch! I got punched in the face many, many times. A few times I had to shake it off as they landed harder than expected. It's all about control - control, and shielding my face to protect myself! Talk about a lesson learned. Fuck. Lessons learned the hard way! After the 2nd round, I was feeling beat up - just exhausted and wanting to sit down and cry actually! I think that's more the PMS than anything though!!
I was going to go to the class tonight, but I think I'll do cardio on the bike instead. My left shin, where I think I have a stress fracture or compartmental syndrome, is bruised up from a couple of hard shields. I repeat - Ouch!! But my new shin protectors came in the mail today, and they have a really thick padding so I hope this helps. Still - OUCH! It came to me half way through the 3rd round that fighting is hard work and is gonna hurt like hell.
So. The bike trainer it is tonight. And I have a couple of phone calls to make - Josh, Laura H, Erin. I haven't talked to Laura in ages. She sent me photos of her new pug puppy, and of Dave, who she's moved in with! Wow, that was a shock. Their last attempt at a relationship didn't end so good.
I booked a session with Beth Mansfield (dietician) again - I want to look over my diet, and she's going to do a full impedance test as well (bioelectric test which measures fat vs lean muscle, water content, weight, etc.). It's not until the end of the month, so I get a couple of weeks to lose some weight before then. Woo hoo!
I had a secret, personal blog running up until today. Today I deleted it. I think it was doing nothing but getting me into trouble. Anything I need to say outloud can be said here. If not, I'll start up another private one!! Or see my therapist.
Noon - 1 hr muay thai + 30 crunches, 30 push-ups, 30 squats
5:15pm - 45 min on bike trainer
Happy New Year on this 2nd day of January. I took this as a final holiday and am enjoying not being back to the grind until tomorrow.
I went to Muay Thai at lunch after more than a week off. OMG. Talk about pain! My arms felt like lead, my kicks felt like they wouldn't break a twig. On top of it, Kruu had Cam and I spar for 3 full rounds, focusing on jabs and then shields. We managed to ramp up the speed/power through each round, which meant jabs were coming harder and harder. Ouch! I got punched in the face many, many times. A few times I had to shake it off as they landed harder than expected. It's all about control - control, and shielding my face to protect myself! Talk about a lesson learned. Fuck. Lessons learned the hard way! After the 2nd round, I was feeling beat up - just exhausted and wanting to sit down and cry actually! I think that's more the PMS than anything though!!
I was going to go to the class tonight, but I think I'll do cardio on the bike instead. My left shin, where I think I have a stress fracture or compartmental syndrome, is bruised up from a couple of hard shields. I repeat - Ouch!! But my new shin protectors came in the mail today, and they have a really thick padding so I hope this helps. Still - OUCH! It came to me half way through the 3rd round that fighting is hard work and is gonna hurt like hell.
So. The bike trainer it is tonight. And I have a couple of phone calls to make - Josh, Laura H, Erin. I haven't talked to Laura in ages. She sent me photos of her new pug puppy, and of Dave, who she's moved in with! Wow, that was a shock. Their last attempt at a relationship didn't end so good.
I booked a session with Beth Mansfield (dietician) again - I want to look over my diet, and she's going to do a full impedance test as well (bioelectric test which measures fat vs lean muscle, water content, weight, etc.). It's not until the end of the month, so I get a couple of weeks to lose some weight before then. Woo hoo!
I had a secret, personal blog running up until today. Today I deleted it. I think it was doing nothing but getting me into trouble. Anything I need to say outloud can be said here. If not, I'll start up another private one!! Or see my therapist.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
New Year's Eve
On the eve of 2007.
Resolutions for 2007:
Training:
1. 7:30am bike on trainer every morning (30 min), 50 push-ups, 100 crunches
2. Muay Thai Monday, Tuesday (lunch/evening), Thursday (lunch), Saturday
3. Kali Friday
4. Run 3 times/week (once shin feels better and get new shoes)
5. Squash Thursday (women's league)
Weight loss:
1. Lose 30 lbs by May 1st, 2007 (8 lbs/month, 2 lbs/week)
2. Throw out all junk food in apartment
3. Keep track of food for nutrition consultant
4. 6 meals per day (3 + 3 full snacks)
Lifestyle:
1. Prepare to spend 6 weeks in Thailand (December-January)
2. Pay off all loans by June 1st, 2007
Resolutions for 2007:
Training:
1. 7:30am bike on trainer every morning (30 min), 50 push-ups, 100 crunches
2. Muay Thai Monday, Tuesday (lunch/evening), Thursday (lunch), Saturday
3. Kali Friday
4. Run 3 times/week (once shin feels better and get new shoes)
5. Squash Thursday (women's league)
Weight loss:
1. Lose 30 lbs by May 1st, 2007 (8 lbs/month, 2 lbs/week)
2. Throw out all junk food in apartment
3. Keep track of food for nutrition consultant
4. 6 meals per day (3 + 3 full snacks)
Lifestyle:
1. Prepare to spend 6 weeks in Thailand (December-January)
2. Pay off all loans by June 1st, 2007
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Back home in Ottawa!
Home again, home again. I am SOOOO glad to be home! I left Sudbury yesterday morning at 8am, picked up Luc in Sturgeon and sped the entire way to Ottawa. I was exhausted near Cobden, so let Luc drive and I caught a bit of sleep on the drive. We arrived in Ottawa around 2pm. YEAH!! In plenty of time to do a bit of organizing and head to Kali. Spent awhile after class talking to Sasha about gyms in Thailand - he's going in May so I'll be able to get a full account of a few places after that. :)
So, so SO nice to be home. I was at my whit's end in Sudbury. I was chatting with my sister-in-law tonight and she was relaying to me their experience meeting my father and his chippy for coffee yesterday. Wow, I am SO glad that I wasn't there! Sounds like he was completely blasting my mother, contradicting himself at all turns, and laying guilt in every direction but his own. And his whore of a girlfriend was adding her 2 cents worth and laying in guilt as well. I feel bad for my brother for having had to sit through that. Liana said the crap that was coming out of his mouth was incredible. Not ONCE have I ever heard that he's taken responsibility for his actions and apologized for the past. I wonder if his chippy is aware of all the crap that he has laid on everyone in the past? After hearing some of the bullshit that he was spewing and she was backing him up on, I am convinced that she is a she-wolf in sheep's clothing - just as evil and manipulative as he is. She was apparently pissed off (super mad) that my brother refused to go and visit them at their house and wanted some place neutral like a Timmy's. Oh, and the classic was "he doesn't have much time to live" from the chippy-whore. As if this isn't his fault!! The fat, chain-smoking lazy-ass manipulative cheating bastard!!
Anyway, I am extremely happy that I wasn't there. Although I think another therapy session might be needed as I have quite a bit of pent-up anger built up from the week while in Sudbury and after hearing all this shit. Or at least a lunch with Scotty. It's been a while since we've talked. This last semester hasn't been conducive to anything except a brief hello every so often. Crazy. That reminds me, I need to call Bob as well - he was going down to Connecticut but should be back now.
I spent the day cleaning my apartment (yes Andre, it's clean now!!), took the puppy out to play with Champ at the ballpark, and am just making coffee so that I can stay awake for the UFC 66 matches tonight. I'm going down to TJ Pagoda's where Sasha is bar-tending for the pay-per-view fights. Should be fun! Go Tito Go! Although I have a suspicion that Chuck Liddell will win.
So, so SO nice to be home. I was at my whit's end in Sudbury. I was chatting with my sister-in-law tonight and she was relaying to me their experience meeting my father and his chippy for coffee yesterday. Wow, I am SO glad that I wasn't there! Sounds like he was completely blasting my mother, contradicting himself at all turns, and laying guilt in every direction but his own. And his whore of a girlfriend was adding her 2 cents worth and laying in guilt as well. I feel bad for my brother for having had to sit through that. Liana said the crap that was coming out of his mouth was incredible. Not ONCE have I ever heard that he's taken responsibility for his actions and apologized for the past. I wonder if his chippy is aware of all the crap that he has laid on everyone in the past? After hearing some of the bullshit that he was spewing and she was backing him up on, I am convinced that she is a she-wolf in sheep's clothing - just as evil and manipulative as he is. She was apparently pissed off (super mad) that my brother refused to go and visit them at their house and wanted some place neutral like a Timmy's. Oh, and the classic was "he doesn't have much time to live" from the chippy-whore. As if this isn't his fault!! The fat, chain-smoking lazy-ass manipulative cheating bastard!!
Anyway, I am extremely happy that I wasn't there. Although I think another therapy session might be needed as I have quite a bit of pent-up anger built up from the week while in Sudbury and after hearing all this shit. Or at least a lunch with Scotty. It's been a while since we've talked. This last semester hasn't been conducive to anything except a brief hello every so often. Crazy. That reminds me, I need to call Bob as well - he was going down to Connecticut but should be back now.
I spent the day cleaning my apartment (yes Andre, it's clean now!!), took the puppy out to play with Champ at the ballpark, and am just making coffee so that I can stay awake for the UFC 66 matches tonight. I'm going down to TJ Pagoda's where Sasha is bar-tending for the pay-per-view fights. Should be fun! Go Tito Go! Although I have a suspicion that Chuck Liddell will win.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
home again tomorrow - Fucking awesome!!
Last night in Sudbury and I must say, I can't wait to get home. I'm about full of being away from home, visiting, not being in my own space. I think Abbey's at that point as well - last night he was really snarly, quite aggressive, when I tried to move him when I went to bed. Very unlike him, but I think a lack of downtime and personal space has made him tired and cranky as well. So, tomorrow I leave bright and early. I should be back in Ottawa around 3pm.
YEAH!!
Don't get me wrong, it's been fun and all, but really? I need to get home. This is still really stressful. Just knowing that the weight of seeing or not seeing my father is on my shoulders (no matter how much I ignore it, the guilt is of course still there), sharing a confined space for 5 days, visiting, etc. I find it hard. I also stress eat quite a bit while here, which doesn't do much good for the diet end of things!! I think a full detox when I get home is in order.
I find that my brother and I can't get along all that well here either. Too much of the past comes back to us I think. I find myself very snappy, defensive towards him. This morning, anything I did he was saying "don't do that", whether it related to Luke or my own dog. It's a characteristic I think he has picked up from my mom - a bit nit-picky. Way too opinionated I find, ready to find fault. I find that really, really hard to deal with and just want to say "fuck off!!". It's funny because we get along if I'm in Toronto, but here? My defensiveness rears its ugly head, and I think he's on edge as well.
My mom drives me insane after a few days too. Hey, I love her and all that, but we're so different. I don't have much to say to her really - just not alot in common. I can't gossip about the family here, I don't really want to talk about work, can't talk about Muay Thai. My love life? Ha!!!! How do you explain that one?!! Oh boy. Wow, that would be an interesting conversation!! Try and explain the last few months?!!
I found myself very tired tonight at Memere's birthday party. I wasn't in a social mood (PMS'ing and just feeling anti-social in general), which made it hard. I don't know what to say to my cousins really - they have kids, a life here which is totally different than mine. I guess if I had been feeling a bit more social, I would have made small-chat, but I just didn't feel up to it. What do you say? I feel really out of the loop, in the dark, the black sheep. It's not even a superiority-feeling kind of thing - just simply being different. I think it's the lack of kids that is the main factor.
Anyway, such is life. Family. He's going to see my father tomorrow, but not at my father's house (which pisses my father off to no end). Woo hoo!! I'll be far along Hwy 17, back to normal life!! Hey, life in Ottawa isn't perfect - but at least my problems are MY problems and it's normal to me. But tomorrow, I can go home, drop off the dog, grab a protein shake, and head to the gym to a Kali class, and then work out, hopefully spar, for the evening if anyone is around.
I tired to explain Muay Thai to a few people, but no luck. They just don't get it. I did spend quite a bit of time searching for Muay Thai gyms though. I found a good forum site with lots of info and have been learning about the different training styles at each gym, the routines, etc. I want a gym that you get alot of one-on-one time with trainers. I don't want to be left to my own devices on the heavy bags. I might spend 2 weeks at Lanna, and then another two weeks down in Phuket at one or another of the gyms there. Fairtex looks good as well, but apparently there's not much to do around there. If I'm going to be in Thailand, I want to see some of the country as well!! Anik priced a flight to ChiangMai for me at $1200 (China Air) or $1700 (Singapore Air). I think I'll go with Singapore Airlines as the last time I flew them they were AWESOME!!! Great service, great food. And if I"m in the air for 15 hours, I want the best possible experience.
It's amazing how much of the forums on this MT site talk about ladyboys in Thailand! Today was the first time I'd heard that term before!
I've become a little obsessed about MT ever since I passed my Phase I test and talked to Kruu about fighting. I'm glad though - it's nice to have a goal - whether it's to fight or simply to get down to fighting weight. I need to get back to running, but I have a suspicion that I have a compression fracture in my shin from running on bad shoes. I need new shoes. I think maybe that will be Saturday's mission - a trip to the Running Room. I shouldn't have gone running on christmas eve -mistake number one. Well, not throwing these shoes out 6 months ago was probably mistake number one!!!
Family.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
We should all be born as ectogenes, like in the "Red Mars" trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson. A matriarchal society where all children are ectogenes.
I just want to avoid this actually. Go back to Ottawa, back to friends and normal life. Start my new job, which in itself is fraught with interpersonal problems, but manageable ones.
New Year's is coming up. I'll have to come up with a few resolutions, although do they really mean anything? Resolutions should be made any time of the year. And if you can't keep a promise to yourself, who can you keep on to? The problem is that I'm fine at keeping promises to someone else, but myself? Meh. Maybe it's lack of respect for myself. Dunno.
I ordered a pair of Boes shin pads the other day from CanBox. I should receive them tomorrow. Yeah!! Sparring without killing my shins!! And I bought a new mouthguard at CanTire - a ShockDoctor. Disgusting lime green colour, but next year I'll get one made at my dentist's office instead. This one is actually molded to your teeth, so not so bad.
MT and family. Those are the two things running around in my head right now. Family since I can't really figure out what to do. Thanksgiving was easier. Why? Because I spent each day at Science North with the science communications bunch. With my own people. I went out almost every night with Andy for coffee and/or beer. I've been squirreling myself away here, not coming out of my shell.
DEFINITELY not banff-like behavior in the last couple of days. Bad, bad paula.
Anyway, it's bed time. The dog is out like a light and I should be as well since I told Luke I'd be in Sturgeon at 9am
more later.
YEAH!!
Don't get me wrong, it's been fun and all, but really? I need to get home. This is still really stressful. Just knowing that the weight of seeing or not seeing my father is on my shoulders (no matter how much I ignore it, the guilt is of course still there), sharing a confined space for 5 days, visiting, etc. I find it hard. I also stress eat quite a bit while here, which doesn't do much good for the diet end of things!! I think a full detox when I get home is in order.
I find that my brother and I can't get along all that well here either. Too much of the past comes back to us I think. I find myself very snappy, defensive towards him. This morning, anything I did he was saying "don't do that", whether it related to Luke or my own dog. It's a characteristic I think he has picked up from my mom - a bit nit-picky. Way too opinionated I find, ready to find fault. I find that really, really hard to deal with and just want to say "fuck off!!". It's funny because we get along if I'm in Toronto, but here? My defensiveness rears its ugly head, and I think he's on edge as well.
My mom drives me insane after a few days too. Hey, I love her and all that, but we're so different. I don't have much to say to her really - just not alot in common. I can't gossip about the family here, I don't really want to talk about work, can't talk about Muay Thai. My love life? Ha!!!! How do you explain that one?!! Oh boy. Wow, that would be an interesting conversation!! Try and explain the last few months?!!
I found myself very tired tonight at Memere's birthday party. I wasn't in a social mood (PMS'ing and just feeling anti-social in general), which made it hard. I don't know what to say to my cousins really - they have kids, a life here which is totally different than mine. I guess if I had been feeling a bit more social, I would have made small-chat, but I just didn't feel up to it. What do you say? I feel really out of the loop, in the dark, the black sheep. It's not even a superiority-feeling kind of thing - just simply being different. I think it's the lack of kids that is the main factor.
Anyway, such is life. Family. He's going to see my father tomorrow, but not at my father's house (which pisses my father off to no end). Woo hoo!! I'll be far along Hwy 17, back to normal life!! Hey, life in Ottawa isn't perfect - but at least my problems are MY problems and it's normal to me. But tomorrow, I can go home, drop off the dog, grab a protein shake, and head to the gym to a Kali class, and then work out, hopefully spar, for the evening if anyone is around.
I tired to explain Muay Thai to a few people, but no luck. They just don't get it. I did spend quite a bit of time searching for Muay Thai gyms though. I found a good forum site with lots of info and have been learning about the different training styles at each gym, the routines, etc. I want a gym that you get alot of one-on-one time with trainers. I don't want to be left to my own devices on the heavy bags. I might spend 2 weeks at Lanna, and then another two weeks down in Phuket at one or another of the gyms there. Fairtex looks good as well, but apparently there's not much to do around there. If I'm going to be in Thailand, I want to see some of the country as well!! Anik priced a flight to ChiangMai for me at $1200 (China Air) or $1700 (Singapore Air). I think I'll go with Singapore Airlines as the last time I flew them they were AWESOME!!! Great service, great food. And if I"m in the air for 15 hours, I want the best possible experience.
It's amazing how much of the forums on this MT site talk about ladyboys in Thailand! Today was the first time I'd heard that term before!
I've become a little obsessed about MT ever since I passed my Phase I test and talked to Kruu about fighting. I'm glad though - it's nice to have a goal - whether it's to fight or simply to get down to fighting weight. I need to get back to running, but I have a suspicion that I have a compression fracture in my shin from running on bad shoes. I need new shoes. I think maybe that will be Saturday's mission - a trip to the Running Room. I shouldn't have gone running on christmas eve -mistake number one. Well, not throwing these shoes out 6 months ago was probably mistake number one!!!
Family.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
We should all be born as ectogenes, like in the "Red Mars" trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson. A matriarchal society where all children are ectogenes.
I just want to avoid this actually. Go back to Ottawa, back to friends and normal life. Start my new job, which in itself is fraught with interpersonal problems, but manageable ones.
New Year's is coming up. I'll have to come up with a few resolutions, although do they really mean anything? Resolutions should be made any time of the year. And if you can't keep a promise to yourself, who can you keep on to? The problem is that I'm fine at keeping promises to someone else, but myself? Meh. Maybe it's lack of respect for myself. Dunno.
I ordered a pair of Boes shin pads the other day from CanBox. I should receive them tomorrow. Yeah!! Sparring without killing my shins!! And I bought a new mouthguard at CanTire - a ShockDoctor. Disgusting lime green colour, but next year I'll get one made at my dentist's office instead. This one is actually molded to your teeth, so not so bad.
MT and family. Those are the two things running around in my head right now. Family since I can't really figure out what to do. Thanksgiving was easier. Why? Because I spent each day at Science North with the science communications bunch. With my own people. I went out almost every night with Andy for coffee and/or beer. I've been squirreling myself away here, not coming out of my shell.
DEFINITELY not banff-like behavior in the last couple of days. Bad, bad paula.
Anyway, it's bed time. The dog is out like a light and I should be as well since I told Luke I'd be in Sturgeon at 9am
more later.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
boxing day gerbils
Boxing day is here, the christmas rush almost over for another year. Today was a lazy day - took the dog for a walk around the unfrozen lake this afternoon (very disconcerting) and then wound up falling asleep when I got back to my mom's house for 4 hours! I didn't think I was tired, but I lay down to read and promptly fell asleep. Now it's evening and I'm hoping that I will be able to sleep tonight.
I was thinkikng about Banff while out walking. Not sure why except it seems the holiday season always means a focus on emtions of some sort, and Banff was possibly one of the most emotional experiences of my life. It's actually hard to put down into words - emotions sometimes seem more like colours than words, easier to show than to verbalize. I look forward to the conference in Boston so that I can see a few of them. Although only a few of us are going.
It's been a quiet christmas so far. Although I did recieve one chellange which I'm not sure to handle. My father sent a christmas card with some money in it to me via my aunt. So what do I do? Do I respond? Do I go with my brother to see him later this week? Do I send the money back, send a thank you note? I think I will just leave it alone. Laura sent me a long email the other day which told me to just let it go. I can let it go. I can't forgive or forget though. I can't just keep giving him another chance. The last time was enough - the rantings and slashings that I got verbally and via email were enough for me and I'm not letting that happen again. I put my foot down. My therapist was happy that I finally made that move, and so am I. If the guilt, the questioning and moral struggle only happens once a year, than I think I can deal with it. It's like working through the holiday season and not eating too much - all it takes is will power!!
So. My brother is here tomorrow, Memere's birthday on Thursday, and then driving home on Friday. All's good. I think I'll see if I can get Andy out for coffee tomorrow as well, see him once more before leaving. He's not been in Ottawa lately.
I haven't heard from B lately either. Sent him a christmas greeting and no reply, which I can't say I'm too happy about. I guess what's happened has happened and maybe that's over and done with. Maybe I said too much. Or vice versa. I guess talking over the holidays is too difficult, hard to find the time. We're going to have to talk further sooner or later.
I was walking the dog yesterday and found myself off the train tracks in a back neighbourhood, right beside RW's old house. That got me thinking about him, about highschool, and realizing that maybe he was the first male that I had issues with. Maybe the first person outside my father who I put stock in, who I trusted and was loyal to and then he hurt me (emotionally). Maybe he's the start of this cycle of trusting and then getting hurt. Maybe I preferentially choose guys who I know will hurt me in the long run. Although I think I broke that cycle at Banff and chose a guy who isn't going to hurt me, who I can trust, which made me really leary at first!! I kept expecting him to turn into an asshole, still expect him to do so, and he constantly surprises me when he's continuously sweet and nice and actually cares about me as well.
Anyway, I think I'll go and read or something, relax a bit and stop the gerbils from running.
I was thinkikng about Banff while out walking. Not sure why except it seems the holiday season always means a focus on emtions of some sort, and Banff was possibly one of the most emotional experiences of my life. It's actually hard to put down into words - emotions sometimes seem more like colours than words, easier to show than to verbalize. I look forward to the conference in Boston so that I can see a few of them. Although only a few of us are going.
It's been a quiet christmas so far. Although I did recieve one chellange which I'm not sure to handle. My father sent a christmas card with some money in it to me via my aunt. So what do I do? Do I respond? Do I go with my brother to see him later this week? Do I send the money back, send a thank you note? I think I will just leave it alone. Laura sent me a long email the other day which told me to just let it go. I can let it go. I can't forgive or forget though. I can't just keep giving him another chance. The last time was enough - the rantings and slashings that I got verbally and via email were enough for me and I'm not letting that happen again. I put my foot down. My therapist was happy that I finally made that move, and so am I. If the guilt, the questioning and moral struggle only happens once a year, than I think I can deal with it. It's like working through the holiday season and not eating too much - all it takes is will power!!
So. My brother is here tomorrow, Memere's birthday on Thursday, and then driving home on Friday. All's good. I think I'll see if I can get Andy out for coffee tomorrow as well, see him once more before leaving. He's not been in Ottawa lately.
I haven't heard from B lately either. Sent him a christmas greeting and no reply, which I can't say I'm too happy about. I guess what's happened has happened and maybe that's over and done with. Maybe I said too much. Or vice versa. I guess talking over the holidays is too difficult, hard to find the time. We're going to have to talk further sooner or later.
I was walking the dog yesterday and found myself off the train tracks in a back neighbourhood, right beside RW's old house. That got me thinking about him, about highschool, and realizing that maybe he was the first male that I had issues with. Maybe the first person outside my father who I put stock in, who I trusted and was loyal to and then he hurt me (emotionally). Maybe he's the start of this cycle of trusting and then getting hurt. Maybe I preferentially choose guys who I know will hurt me in the long run. Although I think I broke that cycle at Banff and chose a guy who isn't going to hurt me, who I can trust, which made me really leary at first!! I kept expecting him to turn into an asshole, still expect him to do so, and he constantly surprises me when he's continuously sweet and nice and actually cares about me as well.
Anyway, I think I'll go and read or something, relax a bit and stop the gerbils from running.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
christmas eve
Merry Christmas Eve!
Just sitting here relaxing. I went for a run this morning with the dog (in a very cold, blustering wind), did some shopping, did a bit of a heavy bag workout in the basement (wound up hitting the metal support post with my toes - ow!!), wrapped some presents, and now am just reading/writing. People should be arriving very soon for supper.
Pretty brain dead right now. Which is maybe a good thing. :) No gerbils running through my head.
Just sitting here relaxing. I went for a run this morning with the dog (in a very cold, blustering wind), did some shopping, did a bit of a heavy bag workout in the basement (wound up hitting the metal support post with my toes - ow!!), wrapped some presents, and now am just reading/writing. People should be arriving very soon for supper.
Pretty brain dead right now. Which is maybe a good thing. :) No gerbils running through my head.
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