Monday, February 12, 2007
bad x-ray news - fracture?
Fuck. I just opened my mail and have a nice little note from my doctor saying that my x-ray results are back and that she'd like me to come in and see her (why don't they call? it's quicker??). That can't be good. That means it's a fracture. Spiral or compression, it must be quite big for it to have shown up on the x-ray. Fuck fuck fuck. I guess I'll call in the morning and see how quickly I can get in there. Not that they can do much - no point in casting a stress fracture really. It's not like it's preventing me from walking or anything (running? yes; walking long distances? yes; walking normally in the morning? yes.). Shit. They never ask to see you when the news is good!!
clinching horror
Oh my god, my neck and upper back feel like I've been put through a meat grinder!! The guy I was paired with at Muay Thai was quite efficient in the clinch and twisted me around really hard. I'm going to hurt tomorrow, that's for sure. If I'm already feeling a bit tense and stretched, tomorrow will be brutal.
This week has certainly started off better than last. I think the period of hell is over, blue skies on the horizon. Onwards and upwards. Although my sleep pattern is still way off and I haven't slept decently in 2 weeks. I need to book an appointment with my doctor to look at my leg, maybe I can talk to her about sleeping again as well.
I've decided that with my tax return I will get laser eye surgery. I'm tired of contacts and glasses. I need new glasses and a box of contacts to begin with, which is a minimum of $500, and laser surgery is only double that. Given the sports that I do, I'd rather just do away with any hassle (and be able to wear sunglasses anytime I want!). Although the idea of someone shooting a laser at my eyeball, the after effects will be worth it (I hope). I'll have to check with my optometrist and see if I fully qualify and what he recommends.
This week has certainly started off better than last. I think the period of hell is over, blue skies on the horizon. Onwards and upwards. Although my sleep pattern is still way off and I haven't slept decently in 2 weeks. I need to book an appointment with my doctor to look at my leg, maybe I can talk to her about sleeping again as well.
I've decided that with my tax return I will get laser eye surgery. I'm tired of contacts and glasses. I need new glasses and a box of contacts to begin with, which is a minimum of $500, and laser surgery is only double that. Given the sports that I do, I'd rather just do away with any hassle (and be able to wear sunglasses anytime I want!). Although the idea of someone shooting a laser at my eyeball, the after effects will be worth it (I hope). I'll have to check with my optometrist and see if I fully qualify and what he recommends.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
weekend off
The weekend is almost over and I have managed to do some relaxing, alot of shopping, and some cleaning. Although I haven't really done any work this weekend - and the worst is that I feel guilty for that!! Take one weekend off and feel guilty. That's a real problem!! I needed to just chill though. It actually felt good. Did alot of sleeping as well. Last night I went to the cafe scientifique and then over to a friend's place for a martini party. Had a great time there - martinis and wine and more wine. I was exhausted by the time I got home - around 1am, but couldn't fall asleep as I had had 2 cappuchinos while at the Cafe. I wound up staying up til past 3am, just thinking reading.
I went and bought some new jeans and a couple of shirts this weekend. This whole losing weight thing is expensive!! But pretty cool. It was about time to buy some new clothes too. Especially jeans. Levis has some new styles out that are FINALLY away from the flare look! Yeah!!
Not feeling all that talkative today, nor this weekend really. A bit wacked out. I missed being at Muay Thai 3 times last week, so this week I really have to get my ass back in gear and get in regularly. Although I'm going to Toronto on Friday for Rob and Liana's birthday so will miss a couple of days over the weekend.
I went and bought some new jeans and a couple of shirts this weekend. This whole losing weight thing is expensive!! But pretty cool. It was about time to buy some new clothes too. Especially jeans. Levis has some new styles out that are FINALLY away from the flare look! Yeah!!
Not feeling all that talkative today, nor this weekend really. A bit wacked out. I missed being at Muay Thai 3 times last week, so this week I really have to get my ass back in gear and get in regularly. Although I'm going to Toronto on Friday for Rob and Liana's birthday so will miss a couple of days over the weekend.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
meh.
Okay, so within the last 2 weeks, we have had 3 committee members quit. That's frustrating. One of the positions we filled right away. One of the others, I think I can have someone else fill in for, and the third? Dunno. Not actually that upset about it either! Not on my subcommittee list. 458 days until CWSF 2008. Are we going to pull it off? Sometimes I think we're crazy and are going to need a miracle.
Today was a productive day, a good one. I think things are moving forward. A little hesitantly, slightly paranoid, yes, but forward nonetheless.
Frustrating Muay Thai session tonight. I was paired up with a guy who was either (1) just not interested in the class, or (2) had something about being partnered up with a girl. He just didn't seem to want too work hard, either while holding pads for me or working himself. Very frustrating as I wanted a good workout tonight, was feeling strong and energized. Haven't had a decent MT class since last week. I think Kru Bob needs to get back - the academy isn't as hardcore it seems without him there.
I just lathered on NamNam on my legs and arms and lower back. It stings like hell, but smells oh so good and feels better later. I spilled a few drops on my floor - it ate through the flooring. No wonder the acceptable limit for methyl salicylate in Canada is 15%. This stuff has 31% in it!!!! Gotta love those Asian remedies!!
Today was a productive day, a good one. I think things are moving forward. A little hesitantly, slightly paranoid, yes, but forward nonetheless.
Frustrating Muay Thai session tonight. I was paired up with a guy who was either (1) just not interested in the class, or (2) had something about being partnered up with a girl. He just didn't seem to want too work hard, either while holding pads for me or working himself. Very frustrating as I wanted a good workout tonight, was feeling strong and energized. Haven't had a decent MT class since last week. I think Kru Bob needs to get back - the academy isn't as hardcore it seems without him there.
I just lathered on NamNam on my legs and arms and lower back. It stings like hell, but smells oh so good and feels better later. I spilled a few drops on my floor - it ate through the flooring. No wonder the acceptable limit for methyl salicylate in Canada is 15%. This stuff has 31% in it!!!! Gotta love those Asian remedies!!
Monday, February 05, 2007
start of a new week
The start of a new week, hopefully better than the last one. Off to a fairly good start, feeling better than I have in the last 6 days, that's for sure. Did the right thing this morning and apologized in person to those I had wronged and offended, which wasn't the easiest thing to do but I feel better having done it. Not sure where we go from here, and none of the working relationships will never be the same, but at least some sort of closure was reached. Almost. The rest of this journey will take longer.
I'm still a bit angry, upset, wanting to know who initiated this problem, but it's true - moving forward doesn't include revenge. Although the thought of 'who was it?' is always going to be in my mind, and I'll be watching over my shoulder, wondering who I can and can't trust. Even in discussions I had this morning - can I trust that that was the right move? To talk openly? Trust. It always comes back to that. I hope I'm a good judge of who I can trust and who I can't.
A place of business, that's all it is. No room for personal relationships, correct? I'd rather it not be 'only business'. Up until last week, I felt at home, an extension of home, happy in a new role, excited, with friends around me. I'm not feeling all that homey and friendly right now. I'd rather be able to be myself, not walk around all formal and professional and impersonal. I'm not feeling like I can do that anymore. I've never been good in hierarchal type situations, authority, etc. But I feel now I'm having to resort to being only professional with most colleagues, my boys excluded who know me for me and accept that.
Things will get back to normal, right?
Just got back from Muay Thai. Felt like crap the entire time - not one of my best classes. I wasn't focused, too mentally tired, and managed to get dinged a few times by kicks. Man, I want to know what's wrong with my left shin as the pain is not going away, and when I'm tired, like today, it really bothers me. My doctor hasn't called, so obviously the x-ray didn't show anything. Not that I was expecting it to as I have a feeling that it's a soft-tissue problem, not a bone problem. Unless it's a bone bruise, but I'm not entirely sure what that would feel/look like. But today, shit! We were practicing shields and it hurt like a bitch - your left leg is your lead leg and main shield leg. PAIN. Lots and lots of pain. I need ice and NamNam. Love NamNam. What a great product. I talked to our instructor afterwards and she figurs it's soft tissue as well. Also chatted about fighting and sparring. I can't wait for ball hockey season to be over so that I can go friday nights and spar full time. Go hard or go home. I'm always going to give up height, but I'm scrapy and will get inside and do damage that way.
I was thinking earlier about the last two years. Two years ago, I was a shaking, crying, depressed, suicidal, psychotic mess. But having a breakdown was probably the best thing I could have done - hit bottom and now have bounced back. I'm sure the antidepressants have helped, but the therapy helped more. The Adult Children meetings too. But more the therapy. Talking, getting everything out in the open, standing up for myself, and realizing that my past doesn't have to dictate my present or future, realize that I don't have to let myself be manipulated and abused, accepting that I'm dysfunctional and that blood is not thicker than water, will always operate under a handicap due to my past, but can move forward as long as I keep that in mind. It's nice to be out of that hole. And into another hole! But one that I can climb out of, a minor setback, a blip.
I'm still a bit angry, upset, wanting to know who initiated this problem, but it's true - moving forward doesn't include revenge. Although the thought of 'who was it?' is always going to be in my mind, and I'll be watching over my shoulder, wondering who I can and can't trust. Even in discussions I had this morning - can I trust that that was the right move? To talk openly? Trust. It always comes back to that. I hope I'm a good judge of who I can trust and who I can't.
A place of business, that's all it is. No room for personal relationships, correct? I'd rather it not be 'only business'. Up until last week, I felt at home, an extension of home, happy in a new role, excited, with friends around me. I'm not feeling all that homey and friendly right now. I'd rather be able to be myself, not walk around all formal and professional and impersonal. I'm not feeling like I can do that anymore. I've never been good in hierarchal type situations, authority, etc. But I feel now I'm having to resort to being only professional with most colleagues, my boys excluded who know me for me and accept that.
Things will get back to normal, right?
Just got back from Muay Thai. Felt like crap the entire time - not one of my best classes. I wasn't focused, too mentally tired, and managed to get dinged a few times by kicks. Man, I want to know what's wrong with my left shin as the pain is not going away, and when I'm tired, like today, it really bothers me. My doctor hasn't called, so obviously the x-ray didn't show anything. Not that I was expecting it to as I have a feeling that it's a soft-tissue problem, not a bone problem. Unless it's a bone bruise, but I'm not entirely sure what that would feel/look like. But today, shit! We were practicing shields and it hurt like a bitch - your left leg is your lead leg and main shield leg. PAIN. Lots and lots of pain. I need ice and NamNam. Love NamNam. What a great product. I talked to our instructor afterwards and she figurs it's soft tissue as well. Also chatted about fighting and sparring. I can't wait for ball hockey season to be over so that I can go friday nights and spar full time. Go hard or go home. I'm always going to give up height, but I'm scrapy and will get inside and do damage that way.
I was thinking earlier about the last two years. Two years ago, I was a shaking, crying, depressed, suicidal, psychotic mess. But having a breakdown was probably the best thing I could have done - hit bottom and now have bounced back. I'm sure the antidepressants have helped, but the therapy helped more. The Adult Children meetings too. But more the therapy. Talking, getting everything out in the open, standing up for myself, and realizing that my past doesn't have to dictate my present or future, realize that I don't have to let myself be manipulated and abused, accepting that I'm dysfunctional and that blood is not thicker than water, will always operate under a handicap due to my past, but can move forward as long as I keep that in mind. It's nice to be out of that hole. And into another hole! But one that I can climb out of, a minor setback, a blip.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
UN IPCC report on global warming - is nuclear the way to go?
I would say, emphatically, yes. I'm very pro-nuclear.
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), a panel created in 1988 by the United Nations, has released its report which states that human-produced greenhouse gases are a major cause of global warming and that we must look towards alternate energy sources to avoid accelerating the warming that we're seeing.
I'm a mineralogist. I understand the very efficient process of metamictization and the conversion of primary minerals to clays. Clays trap radioactive particals very effectively. Nature is very, very efficient in dealing with nucleides. I've also worked in materials science - I understand the process by which new materials are developed to trap radionucleides.
I fully support nuclear energy - all aspects of it. Mining is done robotically for the most part, in order to keep humans safe from the hot ore. Deep rock storage of wastes is the way to go and if you know the mineralogy behind it, it makes perfect, SAFE sense. I would have nuclear waste in the old mine shaft behind my house, no problem. Well, maybe not here in Ottawa because all the rock around here is softrock, but definitely back in Sudbury!!
But I have a scientific awareness. A high level of science literacy if you want to put it that way. Chernobyl and Three Mile Island - yes, definitely a concern, but both incidents were isolated. The major issue behind implementing more nuclear reactors in Canada is public perception. Public ignorance actually. Nuclear energy has a scary reputation to those who don't know the science behind it.
Science communication again. The general public needs to be shown how to reason their way through this issue, not simply be bombarded by fear-mongering, anti-nuclear groups.
Nuclear scientists and politicians have to do better at explaining the reality behind the whole nuclear industry, from ore extraction to the production of energy to waste disposal and everything in between. It's important. We have to stop being dependent on fossil fuels and move into a more stable, clean energy source. I say this even though I have good friends who work in the petroleum industry, am involved with groups who are funded in part by petroleum company money. But those sources of power, they have to go the way of the dodo.
Wind, nuclear, tidal. They all have their pros and cons, but at some point we have to decide how to weigh those pros and cons against the destruction of our planet that is looming just over our shoulder.
To come back to the dodo... I bought a copy of "Flock of Dodos - The Evolution - Intelligent Design Circus" the other day, including the public screening rights. I'm hoping that we can organize a screening evening as a fundraiser for the science fair. Also going to show it at work for a friday afternoon movie social. Evolution versus intelligent design. There IS NO DEBATE. Not to anyone with a grasp on real science anyway. ID is not science. They have yet to publish anything that demonstrates that they are using the scientific method in their 'research'. Unfortunately, what they do have going for them is a large bank account and extensive PR resources.
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), a panel created in 1988 by the United Nations, has released its report which states that human-produced greenhouse gases are a major cause of global warming and that we must look towards alternate energy sources to avoid accelerating the warming that we're seeing.
I'm a mineralogist. I understand the very efficient process of metamictization and the conversion of primary minerals to clays. Clays trap radioactive particals very effectively. Nature is very, very efficient in dealing with nucleides. I've also worked in materials science - I understand the process by which new materials are developed to trap radionucleides.
I fully support nuclear energy - all aspects of it. Mining is done robotically for the most part, in order to keep humans safe from the hot ore. Deep rock storage of wastes is the way to go and if you know the mineralogy behind it, it makes perfect, SAFE sense. I would have nuclear waste in the old mine shaft behind my house, no problem. Well, maybe not here in Ottawa because all the rock around here is softrock, but definitely back in Sudbury!!
But I have a scientific awareness. A high level of science literacy if you want to put it that way. Chernobyl and Three Mile Island - yes, definitely a concern, but both incidents were isolated. The major issue behind implementing more nuclear reactors in Canada is public perception. Public ignorance actually. Nuclear energy has a scary reputation to those who don't know the science behind it.
Science communication again. The general public needs to be shown how to reason their way through this issue, not simply be bombarded by fear-mongering, anti-nuclear groups.
Nuclear scientists and politicians have to do better at explaining the reality behind the whole nuclear industry, from ore extraction to the production of energy to waste disposal and everything in between. It's important. We have to stop being dependent on fossil fuels and move into a more stable, clean energy source. I say this even though I have good friends who work in the petroleum industry, am involved with groups who are funded in part by petroleum company money. But those sources of power, they have to go the way of the dodo.
Wind, nuclear, tidal. They all have their pros and cons, but at some point we have to decide how to weigh those pros and cons against the destruction of our planet that is looming just over our shoulder.
To come back to the dodo... I bought a copy of "Flock of Dodos - The Evolution - Intelligent Design Circus" the other day, including the public screening rights. I'm hoping that we can organize a screening evening as a fundraiser for the science fair. Also going to show it at work for a friday afternoon movie social. Evolution versus intelligent design. There IS NO DEBATE. Not to anyone with a grasp on real science anyway. ID is not science. They have yet to publish anything that demonstrates that they are using the scientific method in their 'research'. Unfortunately, what they do have going for them is a large bank account and extensive PR resources.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
communication - different for everyone
Sitting at Timothy's right now, reviewing a manuscript on astrophyllite-group minerals by an author who I've rejected papers by before. This one is good though - he's paired up with a couple of mineralogists from Denmark. I'm impressed. Sheds some light on some solid solutions I've been questioning as well - between astrophyllite and niobophyllite. I didn't have much data on niobophyllite for my thesis or subsequent papers so this is good to see. Seems there really might be a complete SS, except for a small gap, which I suspect is crystallographic in nature.
I've received alot of good advice from friends about the train wreck that has been the last week of my life. Keeping a paper trail - that's excellent advice. If any of this rears its ugly head in the future in the form of harassment, I want to be prepared. A good friend of mine stated that this has been like "watching a traffic accident". I don't know - I've had two serious car accidents, one life-threatening with an 18-wheeler in a snowstorm on the highway in which my rental car actually went UNDER the transport truck. That was less traumatic than this. In that case, the only person I disappointed was the rental company who had to write-off the car!! In this case, I've disappointed myself, and someone who put their trust in my judgement and actions.
I don't think I'm a 'bad' person. I would like to think I'm basically a good person. Just one that occasionally doesn't think things through too carefully.
I've also discovered that I am much less able to deal with quiet, controlled disappointment and wrist-slapping than I am with the in-your-face, yelling, screaming, verbally-abusing, hostile form of redress. It's simple - I'm used to the yelling, screaming hostility. My father has given me that all my life, most of the time for no particular reason except his bad mood or drinking. Threatening me, being hostile, abusive, vicious, all that does is piss me off and make me defensive. I'm not used to someone redressing me 'nicely' (is that an oxymoron?). I don't understand it. It fucking hurts. It destroys any thought of being defensive and makes you want to grovel on the floor and beg for forgiveness. My mind immediately assumes that making a mistake means that's it, the relationship is shot, game over, may as well end it/quit. I'm learning that's not the case. A mistake is a mistake, and although it takes time to rebuild a relationship after a mistake is made, it can happen. If it doesn't? The relationship wasn't worth it in the first place. That's when a major decision needs to be made.
Maybe I need to call my therapist and start back with him for a bit. I'm sure I can contribute more to his kids' university fund!
But a point raised by Skep makes me ponder the differences between scientific and corporate communication. Two different worlds. And two very different types of people who inhabit both worlds - at times - there are exceptions to that rule. Scientists versus management. I am in firm belief of the model of there being two types of managers - those out to gain and use power, and those who actually care about their staff and the betterment of the institution. I have seen the actions of both in my life. I feel lucky to know a good one. Disappointing a good one hurts, makes you feel like shit. Pissing off a bad one, that makes one cautious, formal and always on guard, teaches you a lesson.
But when changing from scientist to 'something else', one has to wander that line between the scientist and management worlds, one foot on either side of that great divide. It's not something most scientists are trained to deal with. Or even want to do. There's a reason scientific and corporate communication are so different - crossing that divide doesn't happen all that often. Okay Skep, what do you do when you've found yourself crossing that divide?
I've received alot of good advice from friends about the train wreck that has been the last week of my life. Keeping a paper trail - that's excellent advice. If any of this rears its ugly head in the future in the form of harassment, I want to be prepared. A good friend of mine stated that this has been like "watching a traffic accident". I don't know - I've had two serious car accidents, one life-threatening with an 18-wheeler in a snowstorm on the highway in which my rental car actually went UNDER the transport truck. That was less traumatic than this. In that case, the only person I disappointed was the rental company who had to write-off the car!! In this case, I've disappointed myself, and someone who put their trust in my judgement and actions.
I don't think I'm a 'bad' person. I would like to think I'm basically a good person. Just one that occasionally doesn't think things through too carefully.
I've also discovered that I am much less able to deal with quiet, controlled disappointment and wrist-slapping than I am with the in-your-face, yelling, screaming, verbally-abusing, hostile form of redress. It's simple - I'm used to the yelling, screaming hostility. My father has given me that all my life, most of the time for no particular reason except his bad mood or drinking. Threatening me, being hostile, abusive, vicious, all that does is piss me off and make me defensive. I'm not used to someone redressing me 'nicely' (is that an oxymoron?). I don't understand it. It fucking hurts. It destroys any thought of being defensive and makes you want to grovel on the floor and beg for forgiveness. My mind immediately assumes that making a mistake means that's it, the relationship is shot, game over, may as well end it/quit. I'm learning that's not the case. A mistake is a mistake, and although it takes time to rebuild a relationship after a mistake is made, it can happen. If it doesn't? The relationship wasn't worth it in the first place. That's when a major decision needs to be made.
Maybe I need to call my therapist and start back with him for a bit. I'm sure I can contribute more to his kids' university fund!
But a point raised by Skep makes me ponder the differences between scientific and corporate communication. Two different worlds. And two very different types of people who inhabit both worlds - at times - there are exceptions to that rule. Scientists versus management. I am in firm belief of the model of there being two types of managers - those out to gain and use power, and those who actually care about their staff and the betterment of the institution. I have seen the actions of both in my life. I feel lucky to know a good one. Disappointing a good one hurts, makes you feel like shit. Pissing off a bad one, that makes one cautious, formal and always on guard, teaches you a lesson.
But when changing from scientist to 'something else', one has to wander that line between the scientist and management worlds, one foot on either side of that great divide. It's not something most scientists are trained to deal with. Or even want to do. There's a reason scientific and corporate communication are so different - crossing that divide doesn't happen all that often. Okay Skep, what do you do when you've found yourself crossing that divide?
Friday, February 02, 2007
life in hell...
Well, can't say today was much better than yesterday really. On top of it, my sparring session fell through so I didn't even get much of a workout in. Now I have to suffer through ball hockey tonight, exactly the place I don't want to go right now.
I have a shitload of work to be doing in the next while. My head isn't in the right place though. I feel like crap, mentally exhausted, emotionally exhausted. I don't quite know what to do, what to say. I'm feeling like I just want to hole up and not come out until all is right again. Which is possible that that may take a very long time. Just sent an email to a friend/colleague to see if he's available for coffee this weekend sometime. I'm not entirely sure if I can wait until Monday to chat.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
(continued after ball hockey).
Wow. Sooner or later we're actually going to win a game and we won't know what to do. Not a bad game, but frustrating - alot of chipping, pushing, elbows, and one of the refs was not doing his job in preventing such things. It's really frustrating to stand in net and watch your players be roughed up.
Back at home now, tired but can't sleep (nothing new in that this week!!). I just ate a friggin' pizza. With all the clean eating I've been doing since November, that's a shocker to my system. When stressed, unhappy and feeling like crap, bring on the pizza. Dunno if that's better or worse than the bottle of wine that I tried to demolish last night to minimize the gerbils and the feeling of pain and anger and self-loathing from the day's events. Just left me with a headache this morning!!
Haven't received a reply from my father yet. Which is probably just as well. He may have been shocked to receive a response in the first place. I'm certain he wasn't expecting such an outspoken, vehement one! He picked the wrong fucking day to fuck with my head again.
I have a shitload of work to be doing in the next while. My head isn't in the right place though. I feel like crap, mentally exhausted, emotionally exhausted. I don't quite know what to do, what to say. I'm feeling like I just want to hole up and not come out until all is right again. Which is possible that that may take a very long time. Just sent an email to a friend/colleague to see if he's available for coffee this weekend sometime. I'm not entirely sure if I can wait until Monday to chat.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
(continued after ball hockey).
Wow. Sooner or later we're actually going to win a game and we won't know what to do. Not a bad game, but frustrating - alot of chipping, pushing, elbows, and one of the refs was not doing his job in preventing such things. It's really frustrating to stand in net and watch your players be roughed up.
Back at home now, tired but can't sleep (nothing new in that this week!!). I just ate a friggin' pizza. With all the clean eating I've been doing since November, that's a shocker to my system. When stressed, unhappy and feeling like crap, bring on the pizza. Dunno if that's better or worse than the bottle of wine that I tried to demolish last night to minimize the gerbils and the feeling of pain and anger and self-loathing from the day's events. Just left me with a headache this morning!!
Haven't received a reply from my father yet. Which is probably just as well. He may have been shocked to receive a response in the first place. I'm certain he wasn't expecting such an outspoken, vehement one! He picked the wrong fucking day to fuck with my head again.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
can it get worse? Survey says.... YES!!!!!!
Wow, what a past 48 hours. The week started off pretty good, and then did nothing but spiral downwards, FAST!! I'm sitting here with a tumbler of wine (yes, B, taking care of myself) and relaxing after city league (won my match 3-0, but it wasn't pretty!). I'm trying to figure out how the last day of the week will play out. Can it get worse? Probably. If I have to start searching for a lawyer, you'll know it's gotten worse! Anyone know a good lawyer? Never thought I'd be saying that!
I see-saw between emotions tonight - mad, pissed, angry, upset, disappointed, sorry, depressed, fatigued, etc. I alternate between being mad at myself and mad at others, disappointed in myself for disappointing someone I respect, mad that I'm getting worked up about this and letting someone bully me.
OH FUCK!! And I just opened my email and WHAM! A message from my father in my Hotmail inbox, the only email address I haven't blocked him on. Gees, yes, it could get worse!! Of course!! This would SOOOOO have to happen this week!! Yes! Apparently all the gods are against me this week. Welcome to 2007 folks, the winter from hell with all sorts of fun surprises!!! Yes, welcome to sarcasm at its best. Oh great, he just got back from a cruise to the Carribean. Yeah. Good from him. I just sent off a response. I don't think I would have except that I'm hyped up, tired, mentally and emotionally exhausted and just don't want to fucking deal wtih his shit right now.
I see-saw between emotions tonight - mad, pissed, angry, upset, disappointed, sorry, depressed, fatigued, etc. I alternate between being mad at myself and mad at others, disappointed in myself for disappointing someone I respect, mad that I'm getting worked up about this and letting someone bully me.
OH FUCK!! And I just opened my email and WHAM! A message from my father in my Hotmail inbox, the only email address I haven't blocked him on. Gees, yes, it could get worse!! Of course!! This would SOOOOO have to happen this week!! Yes! Apparently all the gods are against me this week. Welcome to 2007 folks, the winter from hell with all sorts of fun surprises!!! Yes, welcome to sarcasm at its best. Oh great, he just got back from a cruise to the Carribean. Yeah. Good from him. I just sent off a response. I don't think I would have except that I'm hyped up, tired, mentally and emotionally exhausted and just don't want to fucking deal wtih his shit right now.
July 21st, 2007 - countdown to the last Harry Potter book
It's official. JK Rowling has announced that the 7th and last book in the Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", will be on sale on July 21st, 2007. 161 days!!!! That'll be 2 years since the release of the last book in which Dumbledore was killed off. As a 30-something adult, I'm a little perturbed that this news is the highlight of my day!! I can't WAIT to read this book. Yes, I'm a die-hard Harry Potter fan, I admit it. I'm also a completely head-over-heels Snape fan!! I would very much like to see him turn out to be a good guy, not evil. Although apparently 2 people get killed off in this book - who? Harry himself? Voldemort? Snape? Those are obvious guesses.
I was reading the 6th book while at the Double E Ranch 2 years ago and was very shocked and upset when I got to the end. I've never been attached to a book series in my life, and it's a kids book!! So I'm as excited as the other billion people on the planet.
See "The Leaky Cauldron" for more info. Or JK Rowlings' own website here.
In addition, the 5th film, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" will start showing just before the book comes out, on July 13th. Let's hope more scenes with Alan Rickman in them are in this movie compared to the 4th one! How they are going to put the massive 5th book into a movie is beyond me. But it's going to be a good month.
What have we learned today, oh wise blog. oh therapist of the internet world. We've learned that the worst feeling in the world is to have someone you respect, trust and actually like, be disappointed in you. To know that you have to work to regain that trust and respect, a result of a really stupid mistake.
I was reading the 6th book while at the Double E Ranch 2 years ago and was very shocked and upset when I got to the end. I've never been attached to a book series in my life, and it's a kids book!! So I'm as excited as the other billion people on the planet.
See "The Leaky Cauldron" for more info. Or JK Rowlings' own website here.
In addition, the 5th film, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" will start showing just before the book comes out, on July 13th. Let's hope more scenes with Alan Rickman in them are in this movie compared to the 4th one! How they are going to put the massive 5th book into a movie is beyond me. But it's going to be a good month.
What have we learned today, oh wise blog. oh therapist of the internet world. We've learned that the worst feeling in the world is to have someone you respect, trust and actually like, be disappointed in you. To know that you have to work to regain that trust and respect, a result of a really stupid mistake.
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