Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!

The countdown is on - 4am this coming morning and I will head to the airport to start on this journey!

Let's bang!

Bring it on!

Happy Birthday to Me!

34 years old today. Amazing, eh?

But celebrations and libations will be postponed until Sunday evening, after the TBA tournament. At that time, celebrations should also include the TBA-SA welterweight title belt. Fingers are crossed! So for today, the birthday treat consists of 3 butterscotch Werther's candies. Woo hoo! I should have put a candle on them...

I discovered last night that peanut butter is the bain of my existence right now. I cannot have it in the house. It has to go. So I put the jar in the freezer. Otherwise, it calls to me in the evenings and I would gladly sit there with a spoon and eat the whole jar. I know, it's good for me. In small quantities! Not half a jar at a time. But it tastes so good. Tuna, any which way, is just not cutting it.

But I have to keep reminding myself that I am soooo close. Weigh-ins are 72 hours away. Now's Not including the time change, which I am very unsure of what that might be. Now's not the time to have a binge session. Now's the time to start cutting down on water though.

Iowa. Where in the world is Iowa anyway? America's northern corn fields. Well, "northern" is all relative, right?

I might be fighting in Toronto on July 26th. Kruu Bob is going to call to have my name put on the card. But he's putting a caveat in place - I have to return from the battles in Iowa in good shape, in one piece, with nothing busted up. But this would be cool!! That way, friends and relatives would be able to come and watch! Although I suspect not many of them would. Most of them are a bit curious about Muay Thai, but in general, my closest friends want nothing to do with watching me get hit in the ring and won't come watch. They'll be supportive, but watching in person is another story.

Representation in Iowa diminishing

It looks like there might be fewer of us headed to the TBA Open in Iowa than originally planned - either by 1 or 2 actually. It means that the expenses for the trip are increased, which is not a problem, but also means less fighters representing our gym. On the other hand, it means cornering for Kruu will not be a problem!! It might be just he and I headed down. I was looking forward to the comradery of having a few of my gym-mates along with me as a cheering squad. And a gang to hang out with after winning the belt of course! It's possible there will still be three of us, but it's not looking too likely. Puts an interesting twist on the weekend, that's for sure!

Today has been a lazy day - lots of dog-walking, reading, watching movies. I decided to take it easy, with 2 more days of hard training and cardio tomorrow and tuesday, light cardio on Wednesday. I'm still a little panicked about making weight and regaining full strength, but it's not based in reality. Even if I'm a bit over on Friday, I have a sauna suit and the sauna right there at the hotel to take off the last pound or two. Not a worry. I just have to be smart about rehydrating and refueling to be prepared for the next day. I've already started packing, including some Muscle Milk and Cytomax to make sure that I have something fluid and easily digestable right after the weigh-ins. Something that will bring my glycogen levels back up to normal in a quick hurry!

Turning 34 years of age on Tuesday. That's hard to believe! I'm the oldest fighter in my Welterweight division next weekend. The oldest, but right now, in the best shape I've ever been in my life. Feels pretty good actually!! I'm headed to Sudbury the weekend after Iowa and I can hear the comments from my mom and grandmother now: "you're so skinny!!". Which I'm not really, but definitely thinner than they have seen me in ages. Actually, for the last year, every time I have gone to Sudbury, it's been pre-fight and I've been carefully watching food and doing insane cardio while there. This time, I'll be free!! Unless of course this possible fight on the 27th happens. If that's the case, then I have to stay on the wagon for another 2 weeks. Which is actually fine by me as I'd like to hover around 145 lbs normally anyway. The plan for the summer is to maintain this weight, let my body adjust so it will stay here happily.

Lost in Translation

I've finally figured out why "Lost in Translation" is one of my favorite films of all times - I've been in this situation/relationship, a number of times, both while traveling and at home. Probably more times than is healthy really!! It's a knack I have, both a blessing and a crutch. Relationships such as this one are the most real, most intense type that one can have, the ones that make the most impact on your life, your character, your views on life. Watching this movie, no matter how many times, makes me happy and glad that I'm not alone. Right now, it's also making me want to return to Thailand!! The lure of traveling and being away from home, able to ditch all inhibitions, dive into new situations and meet new people. I've done things traveling that I would never, ever consider doing at home. Particularly when I was living in Paris. Being alone in another country gives you the opportunity to explore yourself more than you are ever able to do when at home, surrounded by people who have expectations about how the 'normal' you should act. I can't say I've ever had as diverse experience anywhere else like I had in France though. That was special, on so many levels. What an eye-opener that was!!

I'm taking today off training so am watching movies, doing dishes, laundry, and generally relaxing. Cooking roasted veggies right now actually. My legs are a bit sore, so I figure I should give them a break and get back on the horse tomorrow to go hard for another couple of days before starting the recouperation period on Wednesday. I got on the scale this morning and weighed in at just below 150 lbs. Woo hoo!! I have not weighed this little in, oh, decades! I'm looking forward to walking around at this weight normally, even 10 lbs less than this. But to be back on a regular healthy diet as well, not cutting this hard and fast.

Pumped and ready to bang

Tonight, for the first time in ages, I feel really good - confident, strong, ready. Bring it on Iowa!! This is a good feeling, one that I hope stays around for the next week (positive thinking, positive thinking, positive thinking). I had a rough session at lunch on the bags - minor meltdown of the "I'm tired, I'm sore and I'm hungry" type with tears and an attempt to beat up the banana bag.

Note to self: the banana bag has no feelings and does not care how hard you hit it.

After the minor meltdown (thankfully I was flying solo in the gym at the time so no one was there to witness the female moment), I gathered myself together and did a few more rounds, followed by some cool down and called it an afternoon. This evening, I spent an hour sparring with two of our guys - light, technical sparring. I have a small worry that doing only light sparring will make me forget how to hit hard, but I'm certain this is just me being dumb and not really the truth!! It does make me think, take time to put combinations together, and gives me a chance to say "stop, let's work on that". i.e. catching teeps. Tonight, something just clicked in my head about working the head then taking the lead leg out, or vice versa (C, follows on your "if they're busy upstairs, the downstairs is open" comments from a few days ago). I pity the girl who gives me the room to start destroying her lead leg!! She'll never walk right again!! (insert maniacal laughter here). But yes, it was one of those light-bulb type moments.

All in all, a very productive sparring session that has left me pumped up and ready to bang!!! Iowa is a week away. I have 3, maybe 4 days of training left, then a couple of days to recouperate and heal the 'owies' on my shins, foot, knee, etc. Oh, and the bruise I gave myself by my own elbows yesterday while defending body shots... Stupid corner drill...

Now it's midnight and I can't sleep. Too excited, nervous. I have visions of being in that ring and having a big bling-y belt put around my waist. This time next week, I will be sitting in a hotel room in Des Moines, shedding the last water weight lbs, psyching myself up and, most likely, trying to get some sleep!! Melatonin will be my friend next week, I'm sure of it.

Black end to 33rd year of life

Ever have one of those 48 hours where you just hate your life? I'm in the midst of one of those sprees right now. Seems that nothing is going right. If something is going to go wrong, it's going to happen today. Work. Training. Eating. Weight. You name it. This is turning into a great finish to my 33rd year. I'm hoping that my birthday brings about a turn of events and I can start on an upswing and be somewhat happy. Because right now, I'm feeling very black. It can't all be like this, right? I need to get into a positive head state in order to deal with these fights next week. I know that closer to our leaving time, I'll be excited, but to tell you the truth, right now I'm not even excited about Iowa. It's more daunting than anything - will I make weight? Will I survive in the ring without getting the shit kicked out of me? I know that the answers to these questions are "yes" but cannot quite convince my inner snark of that at this point in time.

More later.

Happy Canada Day

So much for all the energy I had yesterday. Today I feel like absolute crap. I went for a 35 min run this morning, which left me feeling crappy. I attempted to go to the gym late this afternoon, but after the warm up and a round on the heavy bag, I knew that it was pointless to continue - too weak. Yesterday was a hard day - 10 km run plus time spent skipping and on the stationary bike, then a really hard Phase II class. I guess the no-carb diet that I've spent the last couple of days on didn't live up to that activity!! Thus, in order to survive the next 5 days of training, essentially the last 5 hard ones before Iowa, carbs are back on the menu for breakfast in the form of steel cut oats. Following cardio of course, which will likely be biking into work for the rest of the week. Then protein and veggies for the rest of the day. No fruit though. And limited Na to make sure that all fluids that come in are going out. Next week, given that the amount of training will be minimal, I can head back to tuna + veggies solely, and cutting down on water.

I was watching "Iron Chef" tonight and drooling over the chocolate and peanut butter dishes that they were making!! Oh man, after the weigh-ins, I am so going to find some chocolate!! Well, aside from a regular, carb-loaded meal and lots of water (and pedialyte to rehydrate).

Today is generally just an off day. Weak physically and mentally. Yesterday's meeting is still playing on my mind, but I'm hoping I can put it behind me and start fresh tomorrow. Or, more likely, start fresh after Iowa.

The lack of carbs is playing with my head as well, making me grouchy and tired and lacking focus.

And the negative snark has come out to play again.

Emergence from the lion's den

I survived the meeting in the lion's den this morning, although I'm still not all that happy with the outcome or the last 1.5 years. That said, following my new thinking and philosophy, I will put the past behind me and live in the moment, looking forward to a new day and a new beginning. I hope. :)

I weighed in this morning after the two cheat days and the weekend - 155 lbs. That SUCKS!!! I'm so pissed off at this. I hope it's water weight from PMS because otherwise I have some serious work to do. I decided to try an Atkins approach this week and see if I can drop 5 lbs fast. Although being 155 lbs puts me very close to what would be ideal for my body - it may be that I won't be able to drop weight fast anymore. That said, there's no harm in trying (except the fact that with no carbs in my system, I'm going to be a very trying person to be around!!). Amazingly, I went for an hour run at lunch and felt pretty good, not too weak, which was shocking. I think I've put myself into ketosis because I'm not really hungry and am not craving anything. So maybe a week and a half of this won't be so bad. We'll see what happens at the gym tonight.

With Canada Day tomorrow, the gym is closed, but I do have a key and can go in anyway. I'll need to. I need to do some more work. Actually, I need to spar more than I have been, but it's been so quiet at the gym, there aren't many people around that I trust to spar with. Since I'm going to fight without my contacts, I want to practice in the ring without them in, to get used to seeing blurry shapes in front of me!! At close range I'm ok. I won't be able to see my corner, but then again, I really shouldn't be looking there anyway!! It's a bad habit I have at the gym, looking over when Bob talks to me, but it's usually because I can't hear a word he's saying.

When not being recognized is a good thing

Last night I was at a Khmer cultural event and met up with a few friends. The highlight of my evening, for my little weight-concious pea brain, was when one of my friends, who I have not seen in about 2 or 3 weeks, did not recognize me while I was standing with my back to her. I was shocked. For me, I don't notice the changes in my body except to know that I am NOT at my fight weight yet. But Wendy was honestly shocked, in a good way! I was a bit flustered actually, knowing I should be complimented (and I was, and also very happy that the change in my body is that noticeable), but also wondering what happens when I'm the one who is actually happy with the final outcome? Or is there simply not a "final" outcome and this is a continuous process and I should be happy with where I am now? It was thought-provoking to say the least. Also very flattering. No, I'm not yet at fight weight, but I do feel pretty damn good! And when she called my Kruu and mentioned that she didn't recognize me, he made a comment along the lines of "ya, she cleaned up pretty good eh?". That made me grin stupidly, happily. It's been a hard road, but to know the work has paid off is a good feeling.

I had a great training session yesterday. 10 km run in the morning. 1 hour on the stationary bike to warm up, and then an hour on the bags and shadow boxing. I felt strong. Most likely due to the fact that I had a shit load of carbs in my body from the 'cheat' day I had on Thursday!! We had our science fair committee thank you dinner. That meant the horribly greasy corn chips at LoneStar to start with. Coupled with the butter tart, jelly beans, and bagel with peanut butter and jam that I had had at work that day in a complete pms'ing state! Oh well. It certainly gave me alot of energy to work with!! So yesterday turned out to be a bit of a cheat day as well. I was doing really well until the Khmer event, after which we decided that we had to go out to eat. John cannot at all get it through his head that I don't want to eat out. It's too uncomfortable for me to do so (and right now, financially taxing). It means falling off the wagon, no matter what you eat (we went for Korean food, which turned out to be not all that great). I want to socialize, and am very happy that we went out as a group, but it fucks with my diet big time!! But it was worth it. The time spent with friends was well worth it and exactly what I needed. And hey, my Kruu was with me and he wasn't shooting daggers at me while I ate (the meat and veggies, I stayed away from the rice and noodles) so all's good, right? That said, I have NOT stepped on the scale in 2 days simply because I know I'm holding alot of water and don't want to know what the effects of 2 non-diet days have done to me. Although I have worked out heavily both days, so really, the effects should not be too negative. Or would that be positive since the weight would go up? Dunno.

It's pouring rain outside and I need to take Abbey for a walk. He won't walk in the rain. I, on the other hand, also have to go for a run tonight so I hope it stops sooner or later!! Not that I'm going to melt, so I should just suck it up and go. But I'll leave it for the evening so that it gives me something to do other than sit around and think about food.

women and their weight - very dysfunctional relationship

Iowa is in 15 days. 15 days!!! That's just 2 weeks!! Woo hoo!! Right now, I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Tonight was the "night of 1000 kicks" during our Phase II class. When Kruu Bob announced that we would do that, all I could do is stare at him and think "you've GOT to be KIDDING!!!". I'm exhausted. I have two broken toes from pivoting. Last night doing pad work with Nate, I was trashed after about 10 rounds. And he wants me to do 1000 kicks in class? Ya, right. I seriously thought about wimping out, for about 30 seconds, then realized I would be shot if I did!! So I did the class. And almost died and had heartburn for the last half of it, but finished standing up. Luckily, since it's done with a partner, you get a 3 min break every time your partner steps up to kick for a round. But still. At full strength, I would have put on a better show than ~750 kicks in 5 rounds. That's just pitiful! I was trashed by the end of it, but did manage to go and throw punches on the heavy bag for a while to loosen up my arms. But now, having came home and had supper, I'm sore. Aching. I want to cut off my two broken toes. Actually, I think one of them isn't so much broken as the tendon has snapped. I buddy-taped them tonight just to be safe.

I'm fighting at 145 lbs. Right now, I'm 153 lbs. I'd like to step onto the plane on the 10th at 148 lbs or so, which would leave me 3-4 lbs of water weight to lose the morning of the fight.

I'm beginning to understand why girls and women have such a dysfunctional relationship with weight and appearance. Until I started training really hard, I was never really concerned about my weight. I was always heavy, both laziness and genetics taking a role, but never really thought about it. Once you start paying attention, having to make weight, it becomes an issue that is first and foremost on your mind. Case in point. Right now, at 153 lbs, that's about 18% body fat for me. Which is at the low end of normal for a woman. It's also the lightest I've weighed since about 2nd year university. I was about 144 lbs in 1st year. But absolutely no muscle mass. Well, a little from squash, but nothing like now. But even at this point, I look at myself and think I'm fat. Of course it's all around my middle, the infamous spare tire and love handles, the first place that I put on weight to begin with, so I assume that it will be the last to come off. If I hit 145 lbs, not losing water weight, but really at 145 lbs, I'll be 15% body fat. That's well below normal. And I have a sneaky suspicion that I will still look at myself and think "you're fat". That's horrible. No matter how many of my clothes keep falling off of me! The trick after Iowa is going to be staying on a reasonable diet and not falling off the wagon and binging on crap food. A few days off and then back to training. But in a reasonable, normal, human way so that I can enjoy the rest of the summer!

Tomorrow is the last training day of this cycle. Friday is a day off. Whoop!! But tomorrow is a morning run and then some serious pad and bag work with another one of our male fighters in the evening before our science fair committee supper (which is going to be hell because I can't drink and it's supposed to be a celebration). Friday I can relax and recoup. Let my muscles stop screaming for NSAIDS!! Speaking of which, I should go find some of those...