update on the last while

Long time no post, but it's been CRAZY around here!

So! Life in a nutshell:

1. Leaving for CWSF 2007 on Friday - yeah! Going to be alot of work, but will be a nice change. My only regret is that being there means I can't train (except running/skipping/shadow boxing).

2. Had my first "fight" on April 27th - we were the first match in the "Friday Night Fights" that our gym put on - only academy students. But full contact, 70% of top strength. I actually did well!! Although she was 5" taller than me, I did well. I learned alot, and learned I have a long way to go!! Anyone who wants to see the fight can go to my YouTube space. All three rounds are posted there.

3. After the friendly fight, I was way too excited and pumped up and asked Kru about fighting in general for him. And it's a go!! We're aiming for "Chicks that Kick" September 30th in Toronto. Starting June 1st, all fun eating and drinking is out the window and it's only clean food and lots and lots of training for me!! I can't wait. I'm really excited about this. Training as a fighter now!!

4. I've taken up combat submission wrestling (CSW) as well, twice a week. Talk about alot of fun! It's very different than Muay Thai, a bit like physical chess, but a complete blast. I'm the only female in the group, but that doesn't seem to bother anyone (not that I can tell anyway). It's got a very steep learning curve - I've tapped out more times than I can count! Rolling around on the ground attempting to submit someone, it's great fun. Tonight, since I was the only one at class, I rolled for a full hour with Kru and learned alot. It's exhausting, but tonight I very much needed it.

5. Training as a fighter is emotionally draining. Tonight, we did timing sparring the entire class, and I was completely frustrated. I couldn't get my hands and feet to work at the same time, so when I was thinking of shielding, I forgot about my hands, and vice versa. Fuck. Very annoying. Just one of those nights where I was getting really fed up with myself. I know, I have to learn to be patient, that I'm learning and learning and learning, but it was just one of those nigths. Luckily, one of the girls I regularly train with was around and she pulled me into the change room to talk, which I very much appreciated. Apparently this is normal, which is good, cause I was on the verge of bawling out of pure frustration. It doesn't hurt, but emotionally? It's soooooo draining. It's nice to know that everyone goes through it. As long as I learn from it, then all is good. But wow. Certainly an experience.

Anyway, more later this week, and certainly more from while we're in Truro.

gerbils tired...

Wow, what a last few weeks. Been crazy. Ever since the "fuck it" posting, life has been up and down and then back up and back down. I think it's in a downward swing right now after this evening's confrontations over email. But that's another issue. Partially my fault, partially extra-sensitive people.

What I have learned through work is that sometimes raising shit and pushing the envelope actually gets things done! Regardless of some of the tension, the verbal smack-downs that have happened, I think everything is on a better track. There is a silver lining in everything.

I want to write a whole section about the Guro Dan Inosanto JKD+Silat+Kali seminar I went to 2 weeks ago, but I need the time to do so and don't want to rush it. But Muay Thai is going well. Having ALOT of fun!! Tired this week though since I managed to catch a cold this weekend over the Regional Science Fair. Going to go to class at lunch tomorrow and hope it goes better than last night. I took tonight off to rest, do some work, and hopefully get to bed early.

I think I'm a bit overwhelmed in general. I'm feeling very scattered - too many potential projects, too many people pulling me in various directions. It's exciting, but on the other hand, it's stressful as I can't seem to find that little word "no" in my vocabulary. This weekend will be good for recouperating - a 4 day long weekend. The mineralogy gang + a few extras from work are going to Wheelers on Friday morning for a sugar bush breakfast! Yeah!!! Maple syrup... mmm... can't wait. Last year Scott, Judy, Bob and I went and had a blast. Got all sugared up and then crashed hard on the way home.

lessons in the ring

Lesson for this evening:

CARDIO
CARDIO
CARDIO

HANDS UP!!!
HANDS UP!!

CARDIO
CARDIO
MORE CARDIO!!!

MUST KEEP HANDS UP TO PROTECT FACE!!!!

Otherwise bad things happen to one's face...

Oh man, what a class!! Only 4 of us for this evening's class so we spent 3/4 of the time sparring. Wow. Aside from sporting a few new bruises, I'm going to sleep well tonight!! I was trashed by the end of the class! Completely exhausted. Lots of fun, a great learning experience, but holy shit. I have to learn to punch straight down the pipe more, and not throw loose hooks. I can't seem to judge the time to break into someone's guard.

I will survive. I will persevere and learn how to spar and ultimately fight. I need to relax, not be so tense, not rush.

Maybe that's good advice for life outside of the ring as well? Hedgehog food for thought...

fuck it.

Whew. What a day. Started off with science fair related problems and a prime sponsor who was a bit confused and pissed off. I hate to bring attention to errors by friends, but when it impacts heavily on a partnership, I have to. CWSF 2008 relies on our partners first and foremost. Sorry man, didn't mean to call you out, but I can't let careless mistakes go through without some sort of comment.

The afternoon was spent being thrown into a snake pit, presenting a project proposal. I'm shocked. I think that's about as much as I can say. Not because I am holding my tongue (did enough of that in the meeting!), but simply because I don't know how to react. Honestly, I begin to wonder how long I'm going to last in this position before I completely lose my brain. Well, minimum of 2 years since I now have a letter of reprimand in my file that sits there for 2 years!! But seriously, I don't know. Everything moves so slowly. Not that I don't like the job, not that I don't think what I'm doing is important, but more and more my belief and optimism in the system is beaten down. Fuck it. I sat at the table at this meeting this afternoon and had to both bite my tongue and hold myself back from saying what I really thought. Heaven forbid I'm learning to be diplomatic!! But fuck man, some of the shit I had to listen to from my arch enemy. Man oh man. The bullshit flew!

I feel a bit lost today. Unsure. Unhappy also. I feel like I'm closing up again, which is a very, very bad thing. Becoming increasingly distrusting. Staff and management. Us and them. More and more I'm beginning to believe that this is how the world runs all over and nothing will ever change. I've found myself at the point in the last couple of weeks that coming home after the day, I totally put the day behind me. I don't want to think about it, don't want to talk about it. I want to go to the gym, relax, take the dog for a walk. Tonight, I'm relaxing and taking the dog for a walk and having a beer.

Dunno. Maybe that's just the tiredness talking. Or the feeling of defeat from the day.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Yup.

Dog is gnawing away on a marrow bone. Hip joint actually! I just made supper for the next week. Maybe I should have gone to the gym. No. I probably would have hurt myself. I've got a few bruises from Kali last night too. Sticks and knives flying all over the place.

See, being called out on my blog by the powers that be has stifled my writing. However, with a changed address, maybe I should just let loose again. At least it will get my frustrations out. Better than bringing Bob's beautiful Filipino sword to work and going postal... Be a shame to get blood on that cool steel... :) Kidding.

catching up

Lack of judgement.
Sucking up.
Gone over the dark side.
Stating untruths about coworkers (ha!! not 'untruths' - more like silent truths!)

All phrases I have heard in the last 2 weeks from members of my working environment. Along with general comments, incidents and reactions in the last month or so, I'm truly beginning to question my work environment. I feel like I have to be looking over my shoulder at all corners, having to be very aware of what comes out of my mouth and apparently even who I talk or laugh with. I've decided that any friendly working relationship has to be turned back into a professional one and not a cross-breed. I have an inner sanctum of safety amongst like-minded individuals, and I believe that this group is the only one with which I can be myself and talk freely. Becoming a science communicator takes you out of your own little publishing-based bubble and throws you into the gladiator arena where politics and hierarchy rules. It's a bit strange. I'm very aware of how isolated scientists and researchers are in their normal day-to-day lives.

Anyway... calm, calm, calm.

I've also become very, VERY possessive of my time away from the arena. In the evenings, I head to my own sanctum - the academy, and beat the crap out of heavy bags and pads. It's definitely worthwhile, takes out all extra energy and frustration. But even that has been invaded to a point, but I think I can deal with that.

I bought the Lonely Planet Guide to Cambodia over the weekend. I figure I'll leave Ottawa just before Christmas and go to Thailand for 2 weeks, then head to Vietnam, and finish in Cambodia, house building for the Tabitha Foundation and then spending a few days touring around the country.

2 hours of Muay Thai tonight, and then an hour of Kali. Can't wait. I've signed up for a 2 day workshop on Jeet Kune Do and Kali in a few weeks. It's going to be great!!

continued later...

Wow, a triple-header tonight at the academy. Woo hoo!! I'm exhausted though. Need sleep.

I got offered a Filipino sword to buy, one of Bob's Damascus swords, REALLY cool! We need to haggle out a price, but I'm seriously considering it. Beautiful sword. We'll see. :) I'm thinking of asking him to make me a really good butcher knife as well.

Sore. Tired. But it felt good to get the day's tension out of my body. I have a big bruise on the top of my right foot, but I'm not entirely sure where it came from . Sparring on Friday night? Dunno.

I think I need food. Although I don't think I'll do that as my weight hasn't been dropping all that fast lately. Down to 167 lbs which is great, but still a long ways to go. Need to start doing a bit more cardio, but getting up early in the morning to hop on the bike trainer? Nope. Can't wait for the weather to warm up a bit more.

UFC 68 and hoplology

What a messed up day. I got home late last night (this morning?) after watching UFC 68 at TJ Pagoda's (Randy Couture regains his belt - woo hoo!, Matt Hughes wins over Lytle, and Rich Franklin's back on the score board with a win over Canadian Jason MacDonald). Finally got to sleep around 2am and was woken up at 3am by the dog whining. Stupidly didn't take him out, and was woken up about 2 hours later with him whining again, and also with a distinct smell in the air. Argh. Apparently the combination of a new (huge) marrow bone and a raw egg at dinner did not sit well with the puppy and, well, there was a big mess in the living room. An hour later, I managed to get back to bed after cleaning up the mess and taking him out. My mistake, poor guy.

I was chatting with some of our MT gang last night and had a relevation after chatting about sparring: guys don't like sparring with girls who can actually fight back! One of the guys I partnered with on Friday evening was really nervous, anxious, and our round got a bit rough with him doing some damage in the clinch. Talking with Michael, he made me realize that guys, generally, are fine sparring with a girl until they become dominant at all, then they get all testosterone-ridden and need to prove their manliness. I guess as a female fighter, I don't really have any issues fighting anyone - girl, guy, doesn't matter as long as they'll fight fairly.

I learned a new word on Friday: Hoplology

Hoplology: the study of the evolution and development of human combative behavior. This study encompasses the segment of human culture concerned with weapons, armor, combative accouterments and fighting systems, in regard to their technical characteristics and the ways in which they interact with the economic, political, social and religious institutions of human societies.

"The history of arms and armour, their connection and their transitions, plays the most important part in the annals of the world." Burton, Sir Richard F. 1884 The Book of the Sword.London: Chatto and Windus, p. 1

There's even an International Hoplology Society. Why was I looking at this site, you may ask? Simply because I got into a discuss with Bob on Friday about Asian martial arts in general, their evolution, and how hard it is to track down some of the history of these arts as there has been nothing written down (all the techniques have been handed down through generations).

Weird day here anyway, with being woken up throughout the night to pick up dog mess that is. Spent most of it relaxing, watching a few movies, taking the dog for a long walk, 30 min on the bike. Back to the grind tomorrow with a meeting at 10am. Jay's in town this week and giving a lecture at Carleton. Yeah!! Banff reunion!!

3.5 hrs at the academy

Today was one of those days where nothing I had planned came through. The weather blasted us with a nasty storm, ice pellets and such, so I had to cancel on a tour I was supposed to give, as well as the screening of "Flock of Dodos" in the afternoon. I rescheduled the screening for next Friday, same time. I wound up spending the day at home, sorting things out, working, etc. Late in the afternoon, I headed to the academy for Kali. Turns out no one else was there, so Bob gave me a private lesson: went through all 36 steps of the numbering system and then a number of knife techniques. Sometimes it's really frustrating. He makes it look so bloody easy!! Years and years of practice. I stayed after that class and did almost 2 hours of Muay Thai practice! Lots of shadow boxing, bag work, footwork, and then actually went 4 rounds in the ring, sparring with various people. Yeah!!! Got whacked good in the knee so am now using a frozen bag of edamme on and off for 10 min to get the swelling down. Man, I need to get my cardio up further. It's pretty good, but I just die in the ring (as I think most people do!). More biking, more biking, more biking. In total, I spent about 3.5 hours at the academy tonight!! Feels great to be back after 2 weeks off. Also great to have Bob back. Not that the young guys aren't good, but Bob keeps things a bit more on the level.

Came home and wolfed down some supper, now am icing my knee and enjoying the NamNam smell! I'm going to go down to China Town tomorrow and get some Chinese linament that is apparently good for bone injuries. Hey, if it helps, great! Then tomorrow night is UFC 68. Gonna be an awesome bunch of fights!! UFC and a couple of beers and all is well in the world. Really, it doesn't take much to make me happy. Pretty simple!

Technetium-99

Bone scan done - check!
Results from bone scan - in progress

Technetium-99 has a half-life of 6 hours, and is produced by beta-decay from Mo-99, or as a by-product of nuclear energy production. It's one of the most common tracers used in nuclear medicine, including the bone scan I had yesterday.

It was definitely an interesting experience. The technician took scans of my leg to check bloodflow before injecting the tracer, gave me the injection (oh, did I mention I HATE needles?!!) and then sent me on my way for 2 hours. I came back later and she did scans of my legs on various angles. I managed to get a bit of information out of her, but she's not the one who interprets the scans nor writes the report for my doctor. I did get a chance to watch the images forming and note that there is a definite 'bright spot' (ie. high concentrations of technetium) exactly where the pain in my left leg is localized. However, the bright spot could be anything - healing bone, bone disease, cancer, shin splint, stress fracture. So, I have to wait a week for the results and talk to my doctor. Very frustrating, but at least we're closer to solving the problem. I'm pretty convinced it's a stress fracture. At least it's not aggrevated by Muay Thai.

I went to CycleLogik and got fit for my new Cervelo today. Yeah!! I fit perfectly onto a 51 cm frame. Ian is going to set me up with a 2nd seat and headpiece for the seat stem so that I can easily switch to a tri position for TT's. Unfortunately (or fortunately for my finances!) the bike won't be in until April. The tubes are made in California, shipped to Taiwan for welding, and then back to Toronto to be built. Strange trip this bike makes!

I am giving a trombone lesson tonight... in French. This is Claudia's 2nd lesson (she's 11) and it's always an interesting time as she doesn't speak much English and my French vocabulary does not include musical terms! Her father generally acts as a translator. I have to find something for the dog to do - the last time she was here, he was acutely interested in what was happening, and would start howling along with her playing! Especially in the upper range.

biked to work today!

Long time no write, but I've been really busy here. This weekend was fantastic - I finally got a chance to relax, do my own thing, CLEAN, and just chill out. I spent Saturday night playing dominoes and drinking wine at S&J's place, and then the next morning out for breakfast with them as well. The dog was happy - got to visit his friend Tweek and then go for a walk in the Bruce Pit the next morning. I spent most of Saturday afternoon cleaning my mess of an apartment: dusting, cleaning the floors, etc. Finally clean!! Most of Sunday afternoon was spent working on a lab for the GEO 2164 mineralogy class for Monday. Took a long time to organize the powerpoint presentation and the lab hand out.

Last night I went to Muay Thai and we had a Kali class. Bob's back from Cambodia/Thailand, which is great. I kinda missed having him instructing our classes in the last month! Our Kali class was great as well - we took the numbering system up to 24, which is very confusing and I think I need to practice alot! Then we did a variety of close-range techniques with the sticks, and a few hand-to-hand combat techniques. It was great!! Arm-bars, moves where you press on the collar bone, stick to the throat in various ways, etc. Alot of moves which put your elbow into really BAD positions! I discovered that joints don't have a wide range of motion! Bob used me as a demonstration model quite a few times and I must say it's amazing how quickly he can bring people to their knees! He makes it look so easy, so smooth... so deadly! I think I need to go practice...

Today was a pretty good day. I had quite a few meetings but all were productive and positive. I think the last three weeks have gone well, I've made alot of strides forward with the projects I've proposed and I think all are happy about it. That's good to know. But for me, I've moved past the shit from 3 weeks ago and just gotten on with my job. Shit happens. There's no point in dwelling on past mistakes, right? However, if I ever discover who the snitch was... :)

Tomorrow is bone scan day. Yeah!! And optometrist day as well. Medical day all around. My leg has felt really good today actually, which is surprising since I went to Muay Thai last night and biked today! I biked to work today. It was -10 C when I got up, but I bought wind-stopper booties and gloves, so the cold didn't bother me. Not too bad for the first time biking all the way to work! The ride back home after work was great - +2 C and the wind at my back. I'm going to try and bike in as long as the weather is nice and the roads remain clean. Looks like we're getting a storm on Friday so biking that day is out (and I have to be at Kali for 4pm anyway).

I got an invitation from FF to return to Paris for 1-3 months as a visiting researcher (paid!) at the Natural History Museum where he is now. Talk about mixed emotions!! Yes, going back to Paris sounds AWESOME!! I do love the city, I do miss it and would like to go back. It's been 2 years since I've returned to my French home. On the other hand, can he and I work together? Can we move past some of the SHIT that we've gone thru in the past? I don't know if I can. I think he's very bad for me in many ways. Maybe he's changed now that he's in a museum and maybe not under as much stress as he was when I was doing my PDF. I don't know. It brings back alot of bad emotions, a period which required many therapy sessions to get over!! On the other hand, going back to Paris, definitely a plus. I miss the city. I miss the food, the European atmosphere, the wine, walking all over town and exploring on the subway. Shit, I miss the subway!! :) I did email him back and said I could do 1 month at a time. More than that, it becomes a problem with the dog. But going after May 2008 would be great - bit of a paid break away from here after the science fair. This year might not be the best time. We'll see. I'd like to take holidays at some point! I told Bob that I would be interested in going to Cambodia with him next year (then going to Thailand) to help build houses for the Tabitha Foundation.

Diversity Training

I spent the entire day in a 'diversity in the workplace' training session. Although the initial reaction is ugh, I have better things to do, it turned out to be a good session. Our instructor had a good sense of humour, made the situations relevant and interesting, and managed to hold our gnat-brain attention spans for the entire time. Personally, I think I am a very culturally-aware person. It comes from traveling all over the world, being open to new cultures and new experiences in a non-tourist fashion. Alot of the information wasn't new, but some points he raised were surprising. One of the most interesting points raised was the fact that only 7% of communication is verbal - 52% is body language (goes to show how email can be a real problem!!).

The other interesting exercise was to look at the differences in values, work ethics and experiences of the four different generational groups:

Traditionalists (born between 1920 and 1940)
Baby Boomers (born between 1940 and 1960)
Generation X (born between 1960 and 1980)
Generation Y (born between 1980 and 2000)

It's amazing that ANY effective communication happens between these four groups!! It's no wonder why a work place tends to have a certain degree (alot?) of conflict given the inherent value systems that each generation has grown up with. It explains when change is often difficult to implement in a workplace when the upper hierarchy is of the Traditionalist or Baby Boomer generation. Us in the GenX and GenY categories are much more willing to step outside the box, are open to change (and less patient!).

The instructor we had also does conflict resolution training. I'm beginning to think that this course might be an excellent training opportunity as well, made mandatory for everyone...

Otherwise, I'm so happy it's the weekend. I'm looking forward to having the weekend to myself, doing some errands, just going down to the Market and doing some shopping, having coffee. The dog is roaching on the couch beside me, enjoying a friday evening as well.

I need to go and buy some winter cycling gloves. This week looks to be somewhat warm, so I'm thinking of biking to work. With my mountain bike of course - I don't want to subject my road bike to the salt and sand on the roads right now. The OBC has Santini winter gloves for sale. But the office is only open in the morning.

Going to find Doritos...