For the first time in about 6 weeks, I've had a weekend to myself. Yeah!! I didn't even go to the gym yesterday as I'm trying to heal welts on my feet, a result of doing 1000 kicks on the banana bag last weekend. So I went for 10 km run, did laundry, groceries, etc. I managed to get all my midterms marked as well.
I think it's time to bite the bullet and stay on anti-depressants. I stopped taking them, and again am finding myself quick to anger, excessively touchy and irritable, and in general negative. The snark has returned and I don't like it. I'm going to do myself, my dog or someone else harm if I continue like this. When anger bubbles up, it tends to happen very fast, and brings along fairly violent notions, which is not good. So... back to the meds. I had thought all would be ok, but I guess a chemical imbalance is just that and requires additional chemicals to keep it in check and in balance. Sigh. I hate genetics.
On a good note, only 24 days until I leave for Thailand!! Yeah! I am scheduled to fight at 145 lbs on Koh Lanta on January 11th. Woo hoo!! 6 weeks away! I'm a bit nervous, but in general just looking forward to it. I was having dreams last night about lying on beaches and relaxing. I can't wait. I so badly need to decompress, spend time by myself meditating and cleansing my aching head, spring cleaning on emotional baggage!! I have quite a bit of work to get done before then, including final exams and a few other science fair things, but it'll go fast.
My concern right now is getting back on track with regards to eating and exercise and losing the weight I've gained over the last 1.5 months. Ugh. I was 157 lbs before my fight, dropped down to 150 lbs for the fight, and was 165 lbs on Friday when I went to see Beth. Double UGH. I got a lecture from both Beth and Kru about fluctuating weight and how it's bad for me. Ya, I know. But once you get into a carb binge routine, it's hard to stop. I'm an emotional eater - and lately, with my emotional state running a bit on edge, being on a short fuse, eating is something that comes naturally. So, I have a big sticky-note near my front door warning me of Thailand being close, hoping that this will stop me when I decide to eat at night. During the day is fine - it's at night that I start to snack and over-eat.
The worst thing is that I cut up my feet on the banana bag last weekend and it's taking forever to heal the wounds. They're on a bad place, on the top of my feet, and they never seem to be aired out enough to start the healing process. Very frustrating. I'm going to have to tape them to train this week, which will just make it worse as they aren't closed wounds yet. yeesh.
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