Greetings from Golden, Colorado! 5500 feet in the foothills of the Rockies, I'm finally back to the USA SW after 3 years of absence. And it's great to be back!! The mountain air, the blue sky, the rough, harsh, barren terrain, the altitude, the Mexican food, the ranch land. It's like homecoming, even though I have never lived out west before. I could live here. Actually, in New Mexico or Arizona would be better, but Colorado is pretty great as well.
I arrived on Saturday morning after a boring flight, got my rental car, and headed the 35 miles from the Denver airport to Golden, on the west side of Denver. After checking in and unpacking, I decided that a trip to downtown Denver was in order. I spent most of my time on the 16th street pedestrian mall, having lunch and walking around. Lunch was a detour from a healthy diet - I found a small mom-and-pop Mexican cantina in the LODO district and was in heaven - a Negro Modello, a Herradura Anejo margarita, and a mixed plate of enchillada, chilli relleno and a flauta - absolute heaven. I love Mexican food, and this was fantastic!! Although alcohol at 6000 feet is deadly - I was slightly tipsy by the time I headed off to walk around downtown so stopped by a Starbucks and found a coffee.
By supper time, I headed back to Golden, stopping at Corral Western Wear where I browsed the cowboy boots in my price range and wound up buying a nice pair of Justin's - brown with gold-ish stiching on the upper part. Woo hoo!! Gotta break them in though - they are pretty tight and stiff. But so were my other ones initially and now they are soft and comfy.
Saturday evening I decided it was time to get in some exercise, so I headed out on a run. Running at 6000 feet - not a whole hell of alot of fun! Throw in the fact that the route I took, west on Colfax (no sidewalks) was completely uphill!! 5 minutes in, and I was ready to rip out my lungs!! But I wound up doing about 5 km or so, enough to make me feel like I burned off some of my endulgent, cheese-smothered lunch!!
Sunday, I headed out to Red Rocks park, 15 min up Colfax West, and went trail running. Not knowing what to expect, I took the Red Rocks trail, which started at the bottom of this really cool formation of upthrust red Jurrasic sandstones that tilt almost 90 degrees in some places. It's really neat - you can stand at the top of the hills look south, and see this entire line of upthrust red sandstones. Never thought I'd find sedimentary rocks so cool!! Actually, from a sedimentary point of view, this area is interesting - lots of dinos and other Jurassic fossils are all over the place here. Okay, the mining history is alot more interesting, but the dinos are pretty cool too!! For dead things, of course...
Trail running in Red Rocks, at least initially, was more like trail walking - running up switch backs at that altitude was hell!! I did about 7 kms, some running, some walking, but having a great time nevertheless. I hope to go back a few more times this week and run one of the other, flatter trails. I had planned to go this morning, but when I got up at 6am, it was (1) raining, (2) really friggin' cold (think snow), and (3) dark as hell!! My plans of trail running were cut short and I wound up spending 1/2 an hour on the treadmill in the hotel exercise room.After a shower and some healthy food (I stocked my hotel fridge with food from "Whole Foods" on Saturday), I decided to go visit Boulder, which is about 25 miles north of here. Mainly, I wanted to check out REI, and go wander around downtown Boulder, a cute little ski village with a pedestrian mall perfect for window shopping (or spontaneous shopping as the case may be!). I had lunch at a small cafe, wandered around in the sunshine, had a coffee, then headed back into Golden.
Last night was the welcoming reception for "Mineralogy and Museums 6", held at the Geology Museum at the Colorado School of Mines. The reception was well-attended - I ran into a number of colleagues and friends who I haven't seen in years. Some, like Julian, I see all the time, usually in Rochester where we've made him an honorary Canadian!
The turning point in the evening, the encounter I had been nervously awaiting, came as I was looking at the mineral collection. Francois came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a big hug (in itself very strange). Immediately I felt my guard go up - does it have to be up? Do I need to play defense with him still? Was his friendly greeting sincere? Can I trust him? The answer to that last question is most likely no. I need to be careful, for my own emotional state of mind. We stood around and chatted for a long time - about his change in jobs, research, the collection, cats, etc. One of our colleagues came over and chatted, and when he asked how I had made the leap from astrophyllite to Nb-glasses, I looked at Francois and he answered "cats". It's true actually - one of the first discussions we had via email when I was decided where to do my post-doc was about cats. It was an email discussion that I though boded well - to have someone that friendly and discuss something other than science with me via email, after only a few interactions, to me felt like good vibes. If I had only known...
He was headed out for supper after the reception, but I declined his invitation to go along. He keeps saying we need to go out and drink wine together. Part of me is very hesitant to do so - I believe that activity has gotten us into major trouble in the past!! Grenoble in particular comes to mind. So does the night after the West Indies restaurant in Paris when the Absinthe flowed like water. I'm not sure that he and I spending those kinds of evenings together would be healthy. And, although I suspect that he's happier and more relaxed with his new job, which might have calmed him down, he still doesn't seem to have changed all that much. And neither have I - I still feel an unexplained attraction to him, the feeling that I can help him, the misguided thought that he won't hurt me again. I am constantly reminded at how much we aren't in control of our emotions and feelings. Thus, my decline of his supper invite, but with a promise that we would go out later this week.
This morning, I ran on the treadmill, had breakfast and headed to the technical sessions. I did my best to walk around Francois, not knowing exactly how to deal with him. When I was a post-doc, I followed him around like a puppy when we went to conferences - I was young, immature, insecure, and didn't know anyone in the European circuit. Now it's different - I'm no longer that immature (in some ways!) and know alot of the people at this conference. I'm also no longer uncomfortable walking around solo like I used to be at conferences, needing to be beside my advisor or colleague at all times. I don't feel that insecurity any more. And, given that I feel very defensive right now and am fighting to figure out, in my head, how to handle this situation, I thought it best to avoid contact, so I hung out with Julian.
The technical sessions today were okay - good talks, wide range of topics. By mid afternoon I was crashing though - time change and being up early this morning. Francois finally did come up to me late morning and give me the traditional French greeting of cheek kisses. I found it quite intriguing - him coming to me rather than the other way around. Interesting. That sounds like a power struggle, doesn't it? Wanting him to come to me rather than the other way around? It is in a way - a demonstration of independence, a need to prove in some way that the past is just that - the past and I've moved on.
I didn't stay for the reception tonight. I've decided to not drink from now on - back to a training regiment and diet. Getting up early in the morning to run and do weights here takes alot of energy, and I don't want to jeopardize that. The weight I've gained since Iowa bothers me and I want to get it off - steadily and healthily. And alcohol just doesn't factor into that. Also, drinking here might bring too many demons out of the closet and make me open my mouth bigger than I should. I feel the need to talk to him, to bring out into the open how hurt I felt, how betrayed, how abused and demeaned. But what good would it do? We do need to sit down and talk though - I might return to Paris to work with him in the coming year. Is this a good idea? I don't know.
Tomorrow will be another long day - talks all day and then a dinner at the Denver Museum. I'm excited to go to the Museum to see the Sweethome Mine rhodochrosite display. I've been a fan, in love with! Sweethome Mine rhodos since I was an undergraduate student. When the Mineralogical Record special rhodo issue came out, it was like mineral porn for me! All those beautiful, red, lushious, almost edible-looking rhodos. Very cool. Sick person eh?!! :)
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