communication - different for everyone

Sitting at Timothy's right now, reviewing a manuscript on astrophyllite-group minerals by an author who I've rejected papers by before. This one is good though - he's paired up with a couple of mineralogists from Denmark. I'm impressed. Sheds some light on some solid solutions I've been questioning as well - between astrophyllite and niobophyllite. I didn't have much data on niobophyllite for my thesis or subsequent papers so this is good to see. Seems there really might be a complete SS, except for a small gap, which I suspect is crystallographic in nature.

I've received alot of good advice from friends about the train wreck that has been the last week of my life. Keeping a paper trail - that's excellent advice. If any of this rears its ugly head in the future in the form of harassment, I want to be prepared. A good friend of mine stated that this has been like "watching a traffic accident". I don't know - I've had two serious car accidents, one life-threatening with an 18-wheeler in a snowstorm on the highway in which my rental car actually went UNDER the transport truck. That was less traumatic than this. In that case, the only person I disappointed was the rental company who had to write-off the car!! In this case, I've disappointed myself, and someone who put their trust in my judgement and actions.

I don't think I'm a 'bad' person. I would like to think I'm basically a good person. Just one that occasionally doesn't think things through too carefully.

I've also discovered that I am much less able to deal with quiet, controlled disappointment and wrist-slapping than I am with the in-your-face, yelling, screaming, verbally-abusing, hostile form of redress. It's simple - I'm used to the yelling, screaming hostility. My father has given me that all my life, most of the time for no particular reason except his bad mood or drinking. Threatening me, being hostile, abusive, vicious, all that does is piss me off and make me defensive. I'm not used to someone redressing me 'nicely' (is that an oxymoron?). I don't understand it. It fucking hurts. It destroys any thought of being defensive and makes you want to grovel on the floor and beg for forgiveness. My mind immediately assumes that making a mistake means that's it, the relationship is shot, game over, may as well end it/quit. I'm learning that's not the case. A mistake is a mistake, and although it takes time to rebuild a relationship after a mistake is made, it can happen. If it doesn't? The relationship wasn't worth it in the first place. That's when a major decision needs to be made.

Maybe I need to call my therapist and start back with him for a bit. I'm sure I can contribute more to his kids' university fund!

But a point raised by Skep makes me ponder the differences between scientific and corporate communication. Two different worlds. And two very different types of people who inhabit both worlds - at times - there are exceptions to that rule. Scientists versus management. I am in firm belief of the model of there being two types of managers - those out to gain and use power, and those who actually care about their staff and the betterment of the institution. I have seen the actions of both in my life. I feel lucky to know a good one. Disappointing a good one hurts, makes you feel like shit. Pissing off a bad one, that makes one cautious, formal and always on guard, teaches you a lesson.

But when changing from scientist to 'something else', one has to wander that line between the scientist and management worlds, one foot on either side of that great divide. It's not something most scientists are trained to deal with. Or even want to do. There's a reason scientific and corporate communication are so different - crossing that divide doesn't happen all that often. Okay Skep, what do you do when you've found yourself crossing that divide?