Well, can't say today was much better than yesterday really. On top of it, my sparring session fell through so I didn't even get much of a workout in. Now I have to suffer through ball hockey tonight, exactly the place I don't want to go right now.
I have a shitload of work to be doing in the next while. My head isn't in the right place though. I feel like crap, mentally exhausted, emotionally exhausted. I don't quite know what to do, what to say. I'm feeling like I just want to hole up and not come out until all is right again. Which is possible that that may take a very long time. Just sent an email to a friend/colleague to see if he's available for coffee this weekend sometime. I'm not entirely sure if I can wait until Monday to chat.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
(continued after ball hockey).
Wow. Sooner or later we're actually going to win a game and we won't know what to do. Not a bad game, but frustrating - alot of chipping, pushing, elbows, and one of the refs was not doing his job in preventing such things. It's really frustrating to stand in net and watch your players be roughed up.
Back at home now, tired but can't sleep (nothing new in that this week!!). I just ate a friggin' pizza. With all the clean eating I've been doing since November, that's a shocker to my system. When stressed, unhappy and feeling like crap, bring on the pizza. Dunno if that's better or worse than the bottle of wine that I tried to demolish last night to minimize the gerbils and the feeling of pain and anger and self-loathing from the day's events. Just left me with a headache this morning!!
Haven't received a reply from my father yet. Which is probably just as well. He may have been shocked to receive a response in the first place. I'm certain he wasn't expecting such an outspoken, vehement one! He picked the wrong fucking day to fuck with my head again.
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