September 18th - Be there!!
I took the last week off training in order to let my foot heal. Probably a smart move, and something that I should have done the week after the fight, not 2 weeks later when it was made worse by training and running!! But I trained last night a bit with Naaron and it didn't hurt when I hit the pad, so I think it's healing well. Tonight, I'll go train in the Phase III class and see if the pain stays away. The next edition of "Throwdown in O-Town" is October 4th and I'd like to fight on that card so have to get back at it.
I've not been in the best of head states for the last couple of weeks. Self-deprecating, maybe. Not training enough, that's for sure. But since Iowa is over, I am forced to re-focus on work and the rest of my life, both of which I've been successfully avoiding while I was in fight-prep mode. I have to get my research career back on track, and have to figure out how to balance work and training. Not easy.
The one thing I have noticed since coming back to research is the number of people who have come to me and told me that when I switched to doing communications, they thought I was nuts! Okay, so a few more vocal colleagues told me this right off the bat, but these have been quieter people. And alot of them!! And they are happy to have me back to being a scientist and not naively trying to change the world.
I've had a few other things on my mind that I can't seem to shake off. I got an email from my father a couple of weeks back in which he said that he had seen the video of my first fight and photos from Thailand. HOW? That's my main question. So it appears that someone has been leaking information to him when I have specifically requested them NOT to. And I know it's not my brother. And that pisses me off.
Secondly, after the CWSF I happened to tell a friend of mine that I was slightly pissed off and disappointed in her actions during the week of the Fair. Since then, we haven't spoken. I'm not surprised that she got upset, but I know that I was in the right and had fully logical and legit reasons to be pissed off. However, it still upsets me. Part of me wants to be the bigger person and give her a shout. But part of me wants the apology I thought I'd get after the first email when I voiced my reasons for being upset. Nope. Although, again, I'm not surprised. We've had a volatile friendship for the last number of years, being very different in the way we go through life in some ways, but so alike in others. Part of it is her not being able to open up to me, hiding too much. I'm willing to be open, I've tried to get her to talk about the problems in her life, but no such luck and she resorts to intellectualizing, avoiding the issues, and then discussing work. Or more likely, bitching about a colleague of ours. None of which resolves the issues. As such, it's taken a toll on our friendship. The very first day of the Fair, an event that I had spent 6 years of my life organizing and put all my heart and soul into, she comes up to me and says "I want to leave this Fair already". Okay, so how would you react? I, of course, was shocked and pissed off. The only thing that saved me from reacting was that I was in the process of gathering up our guest speakers for the Opening Ceremony and really couldn't stop to process anything. But it set the tone for the rest of the week and made me increasingly sensitive to her abrasiveness. For someone who wanted so badly to help our Fair run smoothly, I think I saw her for a grand total of 20 minutes during the entire week. The science fair group is a close knit family. Of course, as with any family, we have our ups and downs, our fights and make-up sessions. But it's all good, and we spend the time together, as a group. Not hiding somewhere else as she did for the entire week. It increasingly made me mad, to have our Fair shunned, for her not to see what we had accomplished.
Wow. Okay, this post wasn't supposed to be about that, but I guess I had to get it out. I'm still upset about the entire situation and unsure what to do. Do I want to rekindle the relationship? I actually don't know.
Speaking of strange, volatile, vaguely destructive relationships, I have the opportunity to go back to Paris. The initial Paris fiasco was 6 years ago. Since then, I have matured, dealt with many other manipulative people, and have learned how to deal with difficult situations. But can I handle going back to Paris? Not sure. I'd like to though - I like the city, the culture, living away from Ottawa for 4 or 6 months. If I could find a Muay Thai gym while there, it would be perfect. But can I handle it? I don't know.
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