6 days into 2009 and so far, nothing terrible has happened. Yeah! I was in at work yesterday, which was both good and bad. It was excellent for getting my mind focused on something else, but it was bad because I really didn't feel like socializing. So coffee break and lunch were difficult. At one point in time, I had to listen to a colleague talk about his cats, and it was driving me crazy. Just had to get out.
Today was up and down. A friend suggested going for dumplings with another couple friend of ours. I had to simply be honest and say I couldn't handle that right now. I'm being a bit picky in who I hang out with right now. I can't be smothered, I don't want to hear the "oh I'm so sorry" comments. I just need to be left to my own thoughts, if I want to talk, I'll talk. But I don't want to be forced into it, or have to sit and be social and happy if I don't feel like it. It's selfish, I know. It's avoidance and protecting myself.
I'm in the process of possibly getting another greyhound. His name is Rebel (Nitro Iceman was his racing name). He's 65 lbs, a small boy, but apparently really goofy and playful. I saw him on the website and he caught my attention - he had the same look in his eyes that Abbey did when I first saw his photo. If love at first sight is possible with a dog, then it's happened twice. I can't replace Abbey, but I have to fill the hole in my life, in my heart.
Yesterday, a photo of him came up on my screen saver at work and I burst into tears. It keeps happening. I don't suspect that is going to stop any time soon. I feel really shitty. Not going up to Sudbury carries it's own guilt.
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