Happy New Year 2009

Begone 2008, welcome 2009. Here's hoping that 2009 is much better than 2008, especially the end of it.

I spent yesterday at home, having some beers and watching a marathon of "Top Chef". Went to bed at 9:30pm.

This morning, my brother calls and tells me that my father died last night. I consider this as the end of 2008, the last piece of the dysfunctional puzzle.

The last 2 weeks I spent at home with Abbey, making sure he wasn't in pain, that he was comfortable and happy and knew he was loved. When I had to put him down, it was the worst day of my life. I've been crying ever since, miss him crazy and will always love him.

I knew my father was sick but have not made any moves to see him in the last 2.5 years. A few emails in the last month but nothing else. Not sure how I feel right now - relief tops the scale. I'm not sad. I won't spend hours in tears like I have for Abbey.

Part of me thinks this is wrong - to weep so hard for a dog but not for my father. The other part of me realizes that it's impossible to be sad for someone who did nothing but cause you pain.