Circle of Grey and "From Friend to Friend"

Up until yesterday, I thought I was holding together quite well emotionally. I was down to only one crying episode a day, usually spurred by a picture on my screensaver, or a posting on one of the greyhound forums. Yesterday, I went to the post office and picked up my Circle of Grey blanket. Circle of Grey is a forum for greyhound owners dealing with cancer in their dogs. It's a support network and it has been invaluable for me - people who understand, who have been through the hell of dealing with cancer in their dogs, who have dealt with diagnosis, treatment and ultimately having to let their dogs go to the bridge. The people on CofG, more than anyone else, can offer support and advice and comfort when the pain seems to be too much to bear. For me, they were a huge support.

They also offer a 'blanket brigade' service - members of the group make fleece blankets and send them out to ailing greyhounds and their owners. Yesterday, Abbey's blanket arrived. I brought it home, took it from the box and read the enclosed letter and card. That was it. I lost it. The wound which was starting to heal was ripped wide open again. I spent most of the day crying, for my loss, for his pain, for the friendship we shared, for the love we shared. It was too much. I have never, ever experienced this much pain for anyone, anything. Yesterday was the hardest day since the weekend before I put him to sleep.

I know that the pain will subside sooner or later, and all the good, happy memories will be left. Right now, the pain of loss is still front and centre.

I was sent the following poem by a lady on CofG. I read it late last night and it brought me to tears and continues to do so now.

"From Friend to Friend" by Karen Clouston

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.

In Memory of Asta, Feb. 1997
(c) Karen Clouston